Flying Solo

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Life.

I NEED A GIRL
TREY SONGZ
[READY]

Its already 2312PM and I've really got to sleep to wake up on time for work tomorrow. I was on MC today since I wasn't able to stand up straight at all this morning when I wake up. The whole world felt like it was spinning and I could hardly walk in a line. By the time I reached the toilet, I was telling my mom how nauseating I was feeling already. And then she shoo-ed me off to bed.

Woke up in the afternoon from my boss's call. Forgotten to inform him that I wasn't able to make it for work today. Not even a 'take care' from him. Pfft.

So for almost 3 months, I've been on medication for my face.



Side effects of this medication are:
- Severe birth defects (if one is/becomes pregnant)
- Extremely dry skin
- Nose bleeding
- Dry vagina/anus (not kidding)
- Weight lost (for extreme cases)

I think that explains my extremely frequent nose bleeds which I suppose has been scaring the hell out of my parents. My mom is showing disapproval of me continuing the medicine. But with extra caution and care, I'll be able to stop the bleeding. So I guess I'm going to just continue. Putting vaseline in your nostrils to soften the walls of your nose so that the skin will not crack and bleed is not an enjoyable thing to do. I end up sneezing the vaseline out.

So many 21st birthdays that I've attended. Angie's, Kiki's and Daryl's. Soon its going to be mine. And unfortunately, I'm still lost at how to plan it. I'm financially tied. And now daddy has a new plan, which I hope and pray would work out for me. And it would be the best 21st anyone's going to have.




He said to celebrate my birthday at NY as he has to go there on a business trip. He's planning to bring the whole family over on the first week of March. We've been planning an NY trip since last year, I really hope it could work this time round. :(



So went to City Hall to hunt for Hamdi's shoe after my visit to Dr Loo today. It was a failure again. Almost bought this red pair of North Star shoes though, but he does not know what to wear it with, so had second thoughts about getting them. Thank god he didn't get those Everlast one though, the last time we went there. The more I look at them, the more awful they're appearing to be.

Fought with Hamdi eventually. I truly am sorry for being so mean. And its not like I'm so not going to call him right now. I don't know what to say so that we wouldn't fight again. So I guess the best remedy is to not call, and just go to sleep (and nurse the headache I'm having now). The fight was really stupid. We were playing a stupid pinching game, and he went a little overboard... Now I've got a huge bruise on my arm. I shouted at him, then after a while, I realized it was my fault for starting the game first. He's a guy, he doesn't know limits. I can't blame him for that. I must have hurt him. :(

But he hurt me too... Though physically. I've got to wear long sleeves for a couple of days now. Sigh.

These days, I feel demoralized. I've been lazy, I've not been exercising and I've been eating a lot. It sucks too when you go out with someone who's full of praises for girls who are tall, slim and has a head full of long wavy thick hair. At times like this, I wish I was anorexic. But Singapore has too much good food for me to go anorexic. Haha.





Maybe when I have the money for surgery, I'll definitely do something about my height. I surely will. If only there were pills that would make me taller like pills that would make my skin better. Sometimes I love my body, sometimes I hate it. Does anyone feel like I do?

I wish I was stick thin and tall... Almost everything (except lingerie) will look good on you. Being taller is definitely more fun. You see things above everyone else. Not like I've ever been tall, but I do force myself to wear painful killer heels. Trev once scolded me before for not wearing heels. He said this,

"Do you not think you're short enough?! You have to wear heels!"

It was an extra boost for me to train myself up for heels, inch by inch it gets higher. I have to practice. The advantage of being short I guess.

Sometimes I wish Hamdi understands why I go through this kind of pain for... I know he loves girls with the perfect height, and I'm surely far from perfect. Just a 154. I would love to wear slippers, shorts, tank top with the right pair of shades strut down town. That's if I have the perfect pair of never-ending long legs. But no, I'm not blessed with them legs. Nor am I blessed with skinny legs too.

The one reason why I still do wear like this to the market is because, its the market, and Singapore's weather is far too hot for me to wear any extra cloth.

Back to heels, I wear heels for that extra confidence, though I always end up in a great amount of excruciating pain. :(

Lots of money was spent on plasters and shoe cushions which never seem to help. At times I want to just remove these shoes on the MRT train, but I can't do that. Sigh.

WISH I WAS YOUR LOVER
ENRIQUE IGLESIAS
[INSOMNIAC]

by pammie! at 11:11 PM |