My boyfriend made me very hairpea today. Nope, no involvements of any hair or peas or such. Just hairpea.
The word must be together know? Cannot be hair or pea. It must be together, like hairpea. HAIRPEA.
*waves and gets a fit*
*tries to stop*
*stop halfway, waves again*
*decides to really stop*
*waves again and gets a worse fit*
*eventually, really gotta stop*
*waves at Banglas*
?!?!?!?!
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE
JET
[GET BORN]
Morning world. I'm late for work for 10 minutes and right now I'm blogging on the subway. I think I'm quite addicted to this. When I don't have anyone to message, I guess I'll just keep my fingers busy here. So today's gonna be a relatively busy day. What's with the fukuburuko bags that we're gonna sell in the morning. And guess what, I'm late. Is Cynthia gonna kill me or what. I spent a little bit too much time on my iTunes this morning while I was doing my make up. Can't help it. Mainstream songs rock my socks.
Things between Iryan and I may seem to no longer much tension. However, I'm feeling different about this. I have absolutely no idea what to say or do right now. Its like the both of us are hanging onto something we're pretending is not there. Aiya don't know lah. Damn bloody tired. Last night, we had a chat on MSN to hopefully lighten the load off each other's mind. It probably did him well, and like I said before. I don't know what to do when people apologize. It just feels awkward. And when assholes don't apologize, I whine and complain like a menstruating bitch. Well, that's me for you.
So last night he'd also tell me that showing concern isn't just about love, showering your partner with gifts, making out and sex. Omg. He thinks I'm all about that. Seriously I don't understand why does he and his friends have to see me like some stink filled whore?! I am not! Damn it. Maybe I'm creating a mountain out of a molehill. I don't know. But I just didn't wanna continue the conversation last night and I just went straight to bed. Tired lah. I really wanna rest. Don't wanna fight anymore. Waste my breath and makes me look more stupid than people already perceive me to be.
Was talking to Mira the whole night before I chatted with Iryan. We are both pissed off and upset with people who just cannot and despise and stereotype and degrade and condemn people like us who are young and just wanna have fun in a different sort of way. Do not disrespect the way we are because we did not disrespect your ways no matter how weird you guys seem to us. So just shut up, nobody cares about your opinion god damn it. Don't go around asking people to repent or make people think that they're not gonna go to heaven. You're not God. So you don't do the judging.
MONSTER
LADY GAGA
[FAME MONSTER]
Call me sensitive or what not. But I think I've just been labelled as a hopeless whore who loves nothing but getting laid. Ok. I am not sensitive. I am thinking right. This is stupid. I'm not sleeping tonight.
I WILL BE THERE
BRITNEY SPEARS[... BABY ONE MORE TIME]I just had a huge fight with Iryan. He suspects that I'm fooling around outside with a good friend of his. I feel devastated. I'm really lost on how I could earn his trust. I'm not good with words. And I really don't know how to pen down my feelings. I'm not good with consolations either. I remember back in secondary school, I had a friend who wanted to attempt suicide, and all I did was to back off. She may have thought I was some hard-up bitch who refuses to help a friend on the verge of insanity and depression, but really, I'm just plain scared.
Its not like I wanna run away. I just don't know what to do when such things are given to me. The best I could do is ask her to see a psychiatrist. Isn't that the best and most realistic solution to everything?
I slept last night, even though I told Iryan I didn't. Well, we just fought. And if I told him I slept, he would probably think that I don't give a shit about this problem and I'm just fine sleeping through it.
Thing is, I'm really tired with my work and I've got my school schedules coming up all. There really isn't that one person I could share this with. And even if I do share it with Iryan, I doubt he'd understand either. I mean, if he shared such problems with me, I think I'd be speechless too. Like I said, I'm not good with words. So I never blamed anyone, so I decided to just keep things to myself.
At times like this, I really wanna cry. But it seems like telling the whole world I wanna cry is like I'm attracting attention.
But seriously, I wanna cry lah. Like listen to emotional songs or watch romantic comedies and cry my eyes out.
I thought I was gonna be very happy. But then again, like the previous relationship I thought wrong. And what upsets me the most is people around me just don't trust me. Just because I open my mouth as and when I want to, I'm seen as a crazy ass bitch who mouths off every word before thinking. Well, I do think. And what I think is, people are able to accept what I say, because they know me well.
Gosh... I wanna stop having this kind of cooped up feeling inside of me. Like burn a stick, go to sleep, and tomorrow I'm off for work again.
There are so many events coming up at my work place, and Cynthia's putting me in charge of all these. I guess that's what they call work stress. And my school's reopening this 24th. Somebody just shoot me please?
If I'm gonna fail my courses again, I think that's the end of school for me. But fuck, I need that damn degree.
And then there was this huge fight last night that totally killed my sleep. Though I did manage to sleep, I still woke feeling wuzzy. I can't concentrate on my work. I kept looking through my phone, hoping for something from Iryan, even if its another fight. I wanna thank Mira for being there for me today. And auntie Irean too. I really thought I was gonna mouth off every customer in my shop.
I don't know how to show love to my boyfriend. I feel useless. We came from 2 totally different worlds and its been so easy for me to accept his ways, cos he's such a good kid. But its almost impossible for him to see what I see in my world. At times I wish I was a good girl. But I probably wouldn't have learnt the meaning of fun or crazy if I were.
I probably wouldn't been this bubbly happy girl that I am right now. Or at least that's what people see.
I'm so tired. Physically and psychologically. I wanna have a good good sleep. But before that, I wanna cry first, and finish this entry. I don't know what to say anymore. I love my boyfriend. I really do. I tried my best in every thing.
Iryan just messaged me telling me he's sorry. I told him I'm fine and I hope he's fine too.
I am not fine. I am hurt. When he asked me if I liked his friend, I swear my eyes could almost just pop out and my heart was torn to pieces. Shredded in a shredder. I felt like American cheese on a pizze. Powdered and in infinite pieces. What the hell did I do? And right now, I don't know what to do either. He apologized. Ok what's next? They say time heals everything. Ok. What if time can't, and I have to act like I'm fine for weeks? I bet we're gonna fight again. I don't wanna take time to cool it all off, because I wanna see this boy. So now, tell me. What am I supposed to do?
I hate to make decisions. I really do. Decisions were never in my dictionary.
I hate it that there's this hole in the relationship right now. Its like a concrete floor, and then there's this hole there, and you seal it up with cement again. There's this hugeee mark/scar there and you know someone's gonna just comment on it, cos they see that black mark
buay song.
Relationships were never perfect. But the wrong quarrels just hurt so bad. I wish we could just fight about Angry Birds. We'd look so much cuter that way. I hate to scream at people I love even through messages because there would be this guilt I can't swallow eventually. Then what am I supposed to do when I'm angry and not at fault?
I don't do swallows. I can't. I wanna fight. I've been taught to fight. But whenever I fight, problems comes back to me, and I never had people defending me. I messaged a mutual friend today, and he told me to do some soul searching.
I was pissed. The only soul searching I need to do and am guilty of is mouthing off god damn it vulgarities. I'm tired and I wanna puke now. Goodnight.
ISLAND IN THE SUN
WEEZER[WEEZER]
Waiting for my paint on my nails to dry and then heading off to bed. Gotta be up really early to have my hair cut and spend the wholeee day out with Iryan. :)
Can't wait!
I'm in a fucking pissy mood right now. I haven't smoked in 3 days straight. When I was younger, I got upset when my dad gets frustrated whenever he didn't get his fix of cigarettes. Now I understand why.
Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch
Just smoke one cigarette and hush,
Alejandro - Lady GagaWas Lookbooking and I saw a couple of nice quirky styles and some styles that shouldn't even be up there. Argh. I'm in a really fucked up mood right now.
The whole world seems to be stepping on my fucking tail. I fucking hate everyone.
Fuck all of you.
Fuck.
Dig this totally. I wanna make my oversized tops look like this but I just can't make it! I can't do the sexy off shoulder thing without looking stupid. Maybe I'm just not boney enough eh? Or maybe I just don't have never-ending legs and a pretty face to pull it all off.
Fuck, I'm stealing my dad's socks.
Totally the type of girl I'm gonna sex if I were a guy. Love the leather harems. If Skyroom's bringing that in, I'm gonna get it even if it costs me the whole month's pay.
This chick's from China, but I don't really care. I swear I saw that top before you know. I don't really like the way she matches it with the leather skirt but aiya. People tall
ma. I'll prolly just drape the shawl and pair it with leggings and that's because I have no fucking socks.
I WANNA BUY SOCKS!
Poncho + Miu Miu =
Winner
GO ASIANS! Love the headband!
I hearts the top very much. Not much on the knitted trench though. Think its far too Desigual-
wannabe with the bold stitchings. But hey, I really love the top and how she just wears it as it is. I don't know if she's wearing hot pants or not, but for sure, I really love this. And she really doesn't care about bearing her nottheskinniestlegsintheworld legs to the world!
You go girl! :)
Top!
Something I would love to don, but nobody would really wanna see me dressed like this. Asians can't carry this off without looking like some Cosplay crap you know, especially in Singapore. Its just weird. People might think I'm trying to pass off Charlie Chaplin or something. But honestly, I like this style.
Black Menthol, mummy miss you... :(
I think I'm hooked onto my boyfriend, and maybe hooked onto his style and love for photography and music. Not that I wasn't hooked onto music, but to put it bluntly, I've been learning how to play the guitar these days, and I'm pretty much hooked onto GettyImages.
I think they have really wonderful pictures. At least better than Google Images search engine surely. However, I won't pick up photography, at least for now. I know myself too well. When I'm hooked onto something suddenly, I'd put my heart and soul into it for a while, and then spend loads on it, only to throw it aside.
I don't have that much money to spend on an awesome DSLR you know. I'd rather spend on clothes only to throw them aside after wearing it twice.
I think the both of us are spending a little too much time on the computer these days, that it seems that our relationship is so
cyber-ifed. But well, its not like we could both help it anyways. He's sick, and I'm busy. Our schedules are in other words, extremely packed we hardly even have time with each other.
And when we do spend time with each other, we'd be so tired. Only to go home, missing each other more after that.
I recently just created a LookBook account, and I've been stalking my own profile for the longest time to see if anyone Hyped me etc. Its half as addicting as Facebook, but still not too bad. Occupies my time,
for now. I'm bored and I'm hungry, but I'm far too lazy to get food to eat.
Subway's just a couple of steps away from my shop, but it seems like Dhoby Ghaut to me. Even taking a drink from the storeroom feels like drinking from the Nigeria Waterfalls.
I am fucked, lazy. Hahahaha!
I seriously think that people with style should just join this website.
But on the other hand, I kind of not like the idea of this as well (not because people haven't liked my style :P). But I just find this so underground and indie. And people who loves me know very well that I'm so against the whole indie scene.
Like I mentioned before on a FB status, being indie is like the new mainstream. And being mainstream is like the new indie. It feels as if the whole world wants to be indie right now, and mainstream is so underground! I don't hear people proudly stating that they are mainstream. In fact, I hear people shouting and screaming, and even their t-shirts stating how proud they are to be indie.
Knowing bands before they even existed is so cool.Zzz...
I listen to Davig Guetta and I love Justin Bieber. I read up Miley Cyrus the whore news. Eat that.
Totally stealing my dad's socks, and ruining my boyfriend's skinny jeans for this look. :D
"Don't you remember you told me you love me, baby?"
Superstar - ABBA
442PM in Skyroom on a boring Tuesday afternoon, and I've got absolutely nothing on my plate. To do, to eat, nothing. I should've brought my guitar down to strum a few chords, and practice my fingering. I think I'm getting there for Iryan's birthday, and I hope I could at least play a nice chorus without any gliches for him.
YOU NEED MORE PRACTICE, BITCH!Man... There isn't even a single sales done for the day. Its like $0 on my cashier, and already I feel jittery at the thought of 5 more hours to closing. Hopefully people start rushing in like rats after 5PM. That's when all the office bastards knock off from work and relax.
As if they work in their offices. I suppose everyone's in the holiday moods right now. Its so easy to relate to people's statuses on Facebook, Monday blues' jokes and even desktop sex when you work in the office.
As for me, retail is such a pain in the ass that I really actually just hate Saturdays already. Because the whole world seems to be shopping except me. How fair is that. And on Mondays, the whole world's working except me. Yes, I may feel like I have the whole god damn road to myself, but hey. I do wanna feel human sometimes too you know.
These days, I definitely feel very ugly. So much so that I'd even compare this face,
to this face.
I've completely lost my sense of self esteem. And everytime I see someone pretty, I'd wish I were like them. But thank god I remind myself constantly that I still do have someone there by me who looks deep within my 'beauty'. :)
But aiya, who don't want to be
chio?! You tell me lah. Knn.
