I received a little gift from Manfred today. A pink teddy bear that holds onto a sunflower that says, "Happy Teachers' Day". Awww...! The best gift I've received right after Manfred's good results. :)
Oh yea, he's gotten full marks for his mathematics too! YAY! 17/25 though for his Science. Its ok. Ms Goh here will continue to coach him. :D
This tuition teacher here, is in a naughty mood today, on a Monday night. Awesome. All of a sudden, I want to go to a club and just hook up with some guys in the dark. Then again, my conscious bites into me.
I really need to shake my ass though.
Will be waiting for Hamdi at Admiralty Park tomorrow after his FYP, to see whether or not he could accompany me down to town to collect my handphone. I know calling him or SMS-ing him is a much easier way to confirm with him.
I guess I just need to hear it from him, him.
Going to be drinking with Trevor and JT now! :D
DOWN
JAY SEAN FEAT. LIL' WAYNE[DOWN (SINGLE)]After Hamdi slept on the phone last night, I put down the phone and wasn't expecting myself to sleep much. Suprisingly I had a really sounding sleep. No sweet dreams whatsoever, but I'm still glad I manage to catch some 40 winks. And I just woke up. :)
I've been catching many movies lately, though I'm pretty much broke. Yet only a few are worth watching. I would highly recommand The Proposal starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.
Reason being that the chemistry between the both of them is fantastic. They kept me laughing from the beginning till the end. The plus side's got to be Ryan Reynolds for sure. His body is like a huge gummy bear to me, I JUST WANT TO EAT HIM UP COS' HE'S DELICIOUS. Not something you could well imagine, but never mind that. In layman terms, he's so hot.
He's married to Scarlett too.
Yay. I am not happy.
Caught Year 1 during the chalet that I had with Hamdi too. Stupid show. Jack Black's jokes are all the same. Its lousy and cheap. And its mix and matched with all sort of dirty jokes that I think I would've hear 14 year old boys laughing about at the back of my classroom.
By the way, I got to say that Michael Cera's performance was terrific. He's the only reason left for me to say why I would give Year 1 only 1 and a half star. He's such a cute little sissy virgin boy. :)
Watched Final Destination in 3D with Trevor and Jing Ting at Marina Square. I was really excited cos' its been eons since the 3 of us last watched a gore movie. Oh yea... We're gore fans. :D
It was honestly, pretty boring. And the 3D effects were ok... ... I was expecting more out of it. The way the victim dies were pretty boring. Not a lot of blood, but for this sequel, lots of guts bursting action in store. But still, compared to the other gore 3D that I've watched, Bloody Valentine, Final Destination 4 has still got a lot of blood to spill.
Downloaded some other movies to watch, and I've finished 2 of them yesterday. Was thinking of finishing the Hong Kong drama that I've borrowed from my mom, but guess I'm not in the mood today.
"BOOM BABY!"First of all, this poster and the whole trailer didn't really appeal to me as much as the voice behind Kuzco, the emporer did. I love David Spade! His voice to me was just amazingly annoying, it doesn't grow. I've since know him when I was watching
Just Shoot Me. He was a horny secretary by the name of Dennis Finch. Super hilarious.
So I waited 9 years for The Emperor's New Groove before I could finally download to watch it. :D
Yea... I watched this for Ryan Reynolds. And when I watched the trailer, I thought it was pretty funny as well. Ryan Reynolds being a fat kid in high school, and swooning over I Swear was HAHAHA! So cute... I didn't know Amy Smart was this pretty too. Like she didn't exactly caught my eyes, but I'm really suprised she really is hot. There's something about her eyes that reminds me strongly of Cameron Diaz though.
So Hamdi and I had a chalet together last Wednesday. And he told me that he love me. Like finally... In case you don't know, Hamdi and I aren't together. Though I self-proclaim that we are. I'm just a friend to him. Not even a close one. Just a friend. :) No, I'm not hurt at all.
Although its going to take my months to remove all the fats that we had taken throught the whole chalet, I think its worth it. I've been that happy for a long time now. It has been raining on all 3 days, and we spent most of the time indoors inside the chalet, just watching meaningless TV. Just playing wrestling once in a while. :) It was fun.
And then he told me he loved me. Hahaha! That was the sweetest thing that has happened since a mat asked me for my number through the glass. I love him too. Then I cried, cos I was too happy. What an idiot.
But its all over now. He threw my trust and me out the window.
Maybe you need a wake up call
Cos' you're too comfortable
You think because you're bad you
don't have to work at all
It seems like I gotta do wrong
to get your attention
but maybe when i call this man up
you'll finally start to wake up
I think i'm gonna have to cheat
to keep your eyes on me
but maybe if i make you jealous
you'll finally start to wake up
Had a talk with Syaza and Hamdi last night too. I feel better.
I SWEAR
ALL 4 ONE[ALL 4 ONE]
WHATEVER U LIKE
NICOLE SCHERZINGER FEAT. T.I.[HER NAME IS NICOLE]I am an angry girl today. Oh yes, Hamdi is the cause of it all
again. Then again, its got to be something that triggered him to piss me off this bad. Oh yes, I so hate that new little bitch, Syaza.
Uh huh, I used to treat her like my sister, and because we shared the same birthday, I thought she was someone I could share my troubles with, only to wonder why she isn't such a lousy bitch like I am. She's so calm and cool-headed all the time. Now I know.
She's a fox. A higher level of a bitch. Man, she's my superior. I just hate her. To me, she fools people with her little innocent, STRONG look, together with those sympathetic love stories of hers, she gets her men. Or probably, men just go looking for her. Especially malay guys, like Hamdi.
You can say I'm selfish. Its like every girl that Hamdi showers his attention on, I'd despise that bitch. Well, not exactly. Let me clarify.
Why do I want to show the whole damn world that wherever we go, I'd be holding onto his arms?Because he's mine, and any bitch that wants to have him, has to go through ME, yours truely.
So if that bitch doesn't go through me, nor acknowledge my presence, and gets Hamdi talk about her miserable little fuckable life, what happens?I make life difficult for Hamdi. And that bitch gets away with it. Cos she be all innocent.
If you know that guy is attached, what the fuck you tell him your poor love story together with your intimate sex and hotel moments with the-other-man-who-dumped-you for? So that Hamdi could satisfy you? Oh. You must be a complete slut.
On the other hand, I'm really starting to find Hamdi's actions a little too overboard for me. He just totally finds me a bore, on the phone, on the net, on webcam. What do you want me to do? Strip and masturbate on webcam for you to chat with me?
So he ends up finding fun with 3 other people, while telling me he wants to sleep. Uh huh. Very good. Whatever happened to, "I promise I won't lie again..."?
After having 3 days of chalet with you, I thought I'd finally trust you. No. You done it again. WOW! I bet you reactivated your FaceBook without me knowing. You think I'm stupid enough to trust you again? Don't blame me if I am all hot on your heels. You brought this out from me, and you brought it upon yourself. Can't take it? Tell me you hate me, I'll leave you. I'm stupid when it comes to love. I don't take hints. I take words for real, literally.
Fuck those damn BE girls. What's up with these malays girls really?! Or what's up with this malay guy?
Syaza and webcam? What's there to see on this bitch anyways? Oh. I bet she's sharing all her intimate problems with her man-who-dumped-her-totally-but-still-fuck-her-like-a-sperm-dustbin with you on webcam, like the full performance kind? Great. Put her up on Spankwire ok. I would love to watch her work her boob-less chest.
FEEL GOOD INC.
GORILLAZ[DEMON DAYS]
LIKE A PRAYER
MADONNA[LIKE A PRAYER]I think this has got to be one of Madonna's best songs ever made. Honestly, it never really bothered me that she still reigns as the
Queen Of Pop. She never made it as QOP in my heart. Haha. Ok, I guess its kind of like a personal grudge against her. But her songs never really give me the
'sing in the bathroom' feel.
King of Pop, the late Michael Jackson, I love him. Who doesn't?
Prince of Pop, Justin Timberlake, I've been singing his songs since he was in N*Sync. Bubblegum pop to pop to R&B, I followed this guy.
Britney Spears, Princess of Pop, same as Justin. And she's still making great pop songs now.
However for Madonna, her songs never really made me want to sing them. Even hits like
4 Minutes featuring Justin Timberlake , I do skip it once in a while.
Anyways, the reason why I blogged about Madonna is this:
I so want to own this necklace. :D
Oh! And I made a new necklace yesterday too.
Caught
Up! at the Cineleisure with Hamdi on Tuesday, and I have to say, it has its own touching moments. I couldn't help but cried twice when I watched that show. I wish I could be that loving with my man when we grow old in the future. Loving old man and old woman. :)
Bought 54938509353 beads yesterday and I can't help but just look at them. They look so delicious and so pretty!
Today's pretty much like Hamdi's and mine's 'anniversary' which never existed. And I'm pretty suprised and glad that he wants to 'celebrate' it with me today. Hahaha! Though we didn't do what couples usually do, I'm still happy although exhausted to the bones. We went to source for my materials, and then we went in search for
Cecil Street and
Maxwell Road. So these 2 idiots walked so far and for so long, only to realize that there's this road that leads us from our destination to wherever we want to go.
VERY SMART!
I'll always remember you.And so later, we had nice makan at Lau Pa Sat. And thanks to Hamdi, who wants to treat me. :) I've been having this Kimchi craving for pretty long, and yay! Today I finally have it. Now, I want to have Pepper Lunch!
Look at this face. I so want to have him all to myself!
After which, we went to Keppel Road to meet up with Emi and his new girl. She's ok. Though she really reminds me of another BE junior, Iffa. Of course Iffa is much prettier and more adorable. I've always liked that girl, cos I think she's so natural. Unlike all the other BE girls who are mostly some desperate bunch of
gatal malay girls. I'm sorry I used to be good friends with them. But after the whole Bloco saga with Hamdi, I realized who's good and who's bad. And I learnt to not like that type of girls.
Took plenty of pictures with them, but I'm going to just post 1 picture.
Cos I realized I've been looking really fat these days. My depression days with Hamdi are over, and now my weight's all coming back. The 9KG I've lost... Its all back. ALL BACK. :(
Its not like I want to undergo the feeling of depression again, but I'm getting fatter than fat. And my legs, my arms, my tummy, my face... I think I look old and fat. My arms especially. They're worse than my granny's. I feel so demoralized everytime I at my pictures. The pictures I received from Mira from Saturday's BBQ, I don't even dare to look at them.
I look like a fat Nyonya! :(
I wish I could hit the 40KG mark again. I want to look good in pictures. But anyways, today I want to thank Hamdi big time for letting me enjoy myself today! He must be pretty tired and broke himself, yet we didn't fight at all (at least till now). Bravo to myself for being patient too.
CONGRATULATIONS HAM & PAM!I love you, Hamdi.
Happy 1 year and 6 months to myself. :)
CRADLE
ATOMIC KITTEN[RIGHT NOW]
#1 FAN
PLIES FEAT. KEYSHIA COLE & J. HOLIDAY[DEFINITION OF REAL]I woke up this morning feeling so light and happy. Seems like I've swept many problems off my mind already. But the ultimate
problem-sweeping would be this Friday when I finally get my pay from SIA,
I hope. SIA has been holding onto my July pay and now I'm ass-high in debts. Its like a complete traffic jam. I thought my pay was going to come in on the 21st July. And so I booked a lot of things, and piled up bills on me. Thinking that I'd be able to pay on the 21st July. Yet, till now?! I've yet to pay any of bills, and I owe people money. Let's have a break-down shall we.
(Thank God only my close friends knows about this blog. xP)$40 (Ben; Reminding from the Liverpool match tickets)
$100 (Auntie Elsie; July's facial)
$138 (Mummy; $88 (Chalet) + $50 (Buy beading materials))
$86 (Jing Ting; To pay my bills)
$80.80 (Skyroom; I reserved some clothes there)
# Total: $444.80Very good. And my pay for this month is almost dry. $444.80... Very good number too. Any one wants to lend me like $11 or something? At least then the number wouldn't look this bad... $455.80?
I've burnt my fingers badly, and this time, I'd wait till I see my money before I get anything for myself. This is terrible. Hamdi even compared me to his auntie yesterday. Oh hell yea, I wish I could earn
$10K a month like she does.
To be honest, I'm tired, and I think I could go back to bed any minute now, but I just can't sleep the minute my head hits the pillow. I feel so excited about my blog-shop. Yea! I have a blog-shop, that I've been dragging on for weeks. And now that its finally opened. Go visit it people!
Pretty Trinkets
Credits to Jing Ting and Trevor for accompanying me last Thursday night just to take pictures for my accessories that I'll be selling. Although we haven't taken a lot of pictures, still, I want to thank them for sparing that thought and time for me. And all I did was made dinner for them.
Cheap labour eh. Hahaha! Trevor will be leaving for NS on the 11th September and I still owe Jing Ting a birthday treat when her birthday is on the 08th August.
So, dear friends, please go visit that blog and support me! Especially when most of my friends are malays!
Hari Raya nak datang! Hurry hurry bli jewelry from aku! 99% handmade and quality guaranteed! Jagan ignore ignore eh? Mira pun support already! So those reading this now, namely Aqilah and Aishah, SUPPORT EH! >:D
Mira will be getting this bracelet for me, and she wants it customized with Mermaid knick knacks on it. I'm going to have find them for her. And I think I'll be heading down to Chinatown later. The only problem that I'm having right now?
Cash-flow problems. How am I going to find the money to earn money?
Ironic isn't it?After blogging, I'll have to go on and edit some of the other photos that I'll be putting up on
Pretty Trinkets. And I've got to take more pictures of the necklaces that I have. What a lot of work. Yet I don't even know if this is going to work or not. Oh wells, I've got to try everything in life. :)
Then after which, will be heading down to Chinatown for some material hunting. Was supposed to meet my Auntie Cynthia at Skyroom today to show her my creations. But I guess I'll make it another day. Cos' I haven't really got my accessories ready for accessing. Then I'll be meeting Hamdi in RP, and I don't know where we're going to head on after that. :D
Will be waiting for Mira to send me those pictures taken on Saturday night. I don't really want to look at those pictures because I think I look
FAT TO THE EXTREME that night. And I had a hairband on too. Horrible. Hahaha! Its been long since I hung out with them, and its fun. I suddenly feel as if I found my friends again, those of which I had neglected in the past. Maybe I should try neglecting Hamdi instead? Nah. Can't do that. He hadn't deleted his Facebook too. I don't know how to approach him on that topic.
But I'm happy for one thing. He actually suggested us sharing his Facebook account.
HELL YEAH I WANT TO! 5 seconds later, he told me he wanted to have it deleted.
... A perfect example of a complete pain in the ass.
Alright! Work work work!
HONEY
MARIAH CAREY[BUTTERFLY]
I did something really slappable today. I
tried to pry into someone else's privacy, but I end up not being able to. I am very ashamed of my actions. But I'm too, very hurt by that person's actions. We were supposed to trust each other. We end up suspecting each other. I don't know what's there's to suspect about me, but the other party has every bit of suspicious action lurking around. Eventually, when I try to find out, I couldn't. But I was in the wrong in the first place, to stick my ugly nose into other people's business. Yet again, my mind was aroused with the curiousity, all caused by him.
Why this, why that, why can't he, why can't that? Was I wrong to try to find out why? I think I was wrong to the extend of trying to break someone else's password. It was a promise made between us, that we will not try to log in to anyone's account no matter what. He did not, and I did not. Not until today when I tried, but to no avail. He changed his password, and I wasn't let known of it. I understand its a privacy policy, but he still keeps things from me. And that's something till today, I never understood why.
I know I have to leave him. He's not doing me any good. This man loves me, but only as a friend. I am nothing more than a friend to him, or what he'd call a special friend. My options are closed, but his options are still wide open. My status says attached, but his status says single.
I wish God would give me the strength to leave him, or make him come back to me. Either way. One will kill me but will release him, the other will make me happy but will make him upset.
They always say, live for yourself, not for someone else. How can I do that, when I need someone else to keep me alive. Its not easy for me to move on like this, especially when I'm tied up and not supposed to leave. Sometimes, I think its really unfair for me. Sometimes, I think its really unfair for him. Sometimes, I think its really unfair for us.
I believe he's not cheating, and I can swear on my life that I'm not cheating. I can never cheat behind his back, because I could never find the heart to do so. I've done so many things for him, I can't afford to break his heart (if he does have his heart for me). But things are different for him. He says I'm important to him. He says I'm special. How special and how important am I to him, as a friend? He says we aren't official together.
What is this, high school? I never thought I'd face such a situation in my life. I used to laugh at these people. If you guys are together, you guys are together. If you're not, then you're not. No such thing as
'official'. Then now I realized the type of dilema they face. I don't know how it feels for them when both of them agree to this condition.
But for my case, he agrees and I disagree, its not a nice feeling to me at all. I feel short-changed. Its unfair for me to go through this. But its a price I've got to pay if I love this guy, and I'm paying it with my time, with my life. Does he see what I'm doing? I really doubt so.
Everytime I talk to him about this, I seriously don't know if he listens. Or if he's not matured enough to figure out what I'm driving at. But honestly speaking, I'm tired of this waiting. I really want to move on, move on with him. Because I really believe that if we could be together once more, just once more, we wouldn't be fighting like we are now.
We talked about mutual respect to each other. I promised to stop shouting at him, as long as he lets me know where he goes, what he does. Yet, we're not doing that at all. He says he sees the effort that I put in, and he's the one not putting in the effort.
Why so...? He says
I don't know.Then there I was, left bewildered by my own feelings and his feelings. I stand in a x-junction, not knowing which way to go. That's completely how I feel. Worse, I'm all alone in this. Its so difficult trying to relate how I feel to him, cos he has never experienced this in his life. And for me, this is the second time I'm experiencing this, and I still haven't learn from my mistake. I really am supposed to go, but I simply refuse.
Because I don't want to lose him.I used to think he knows my feelings for him were this strong. But now I'm doubting it.
I admit, it was my fault. He once loved me this much too. Yet I pushed him down, time and again. But now I really regret it. And I would love to make it up to him if I could. But he just wouldn't allow it. Nor will time allow it. Now, I still wonder if he loves me just as much. He said his love was fading, but he could feel it come back. But how much is enough?
Because I am really tired. Its not a nice feeling everytime we go out together, we're so happy. And when I go home, it all boils down to,
I went out with a friend. He's not a friend to me, and I'm not supposed to be his friend either. Tears would fall down my cheeks everytime I think of it. People would think I'm exagerating, and emotional people might just sympathize me. But the attention I need, all that I really need, is just him.
When a guy stops putting in an effort to be with this girl, should the girl continue to show him her feelings? Though I know the answer is a no, I refuse to believe. Because I know that one day, he will understand how I felt through this whole thing. There is no longer any romance in this friendship that we have. Whatever he sees us as right now, is simply friendship.
But I really don't want it to be just friendship. Cos I love this guy. I really do. I want to trust him. If God could hear me, please just help to heal our souls. If he loves me, please let us be together. But if he no longer does, please make him tell me. So that I could slap myself in the face this time, with proof that he no longer loves me anymore.
I refuse to believe that a third party is behind all these. Cos I have chose to believe that this man loves me. And he will not let a third party come between us. But I am only human. There is just so much I can believe, so much I can see, so much I can feel.
And when all these adds together, they're not giving me an answer I desire. So please Hamdi... If you love me, let us bring this romance back? Because I really love you, and I hope and wish so hard that you could see all of it. Just all of it. When will you come back to me? I really miss my Boy Lintah by my side. Make me smile again, will you?
Heartbreaker
Mariah Carey Feat. Jay-Z[RAINBOW]WON'T YOU GO ON AND BREAK MY HEART ~
Oh god damn! I so love this song. Its kind of like my jam when I was still crushing on Nizar during my secondary school days. I'd sing to this song everyday, and think I'm cute all over, and deep down Nizar did love me, just that he's too egoistic to show it.
GET OVER IT BITCH! Hahaha!
So its been a pretty long hiatus I was on. I came back only because I was reading Mira's blog entries, and I missed the joy of blogging. I've got a lot of things blog about actually, and I don't even know where to start.
"NANANANANA ~ DIVA IS A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLA!
I'm so grinding thin air. XD
You know what? All of a sudden, I really don't want to blog anymore. I want to take a bath, paint my nails, fix my hair, dress my best, put on my make-up, wear my heels and dance at home. HAHAHA! SERIOUSLY, MY iTUNES IS MAKING ME VERY HAPPY!
*** Half an hour later ***Ok I'm back! I was dancing in my pyjamas actually. I couldn't be bothered to change and all. No one saw me anyways. :D
Alright. So the month of July was pretty action packed. Hamdi and I actually went to catch Liverpool when they came to town. And although nobody believes me, I want to say that Fernando Torres waved at me.
I swear. Though JT keeps chiding me, I trust that she's just being extremely jealous. :)
It all started on the 25 July 2009 (I remember clearly). Such an eventful afternoon. That day was the NE Show (NDP preview for Primary 5s), and I had the tickets to catch the show. The entrance to the Marina Platform was only opened at 4PM, and I went to meet Hamdi in the early afternoon, to pass him somethings at the F1 pit. The F1 pit was the waiting area for all the NDP performers. I went there to collect the tickets from him as well.
To cut the story short, I was there at around 12 plus, and he had to leave to go to the Marina Platform at around 2 plus. So I was left alone. Suddenly, I received a call from YC, who was practising his Commando marchings at the F1 pit.
"Eh I just saw Liverpool on the bus leh."
"Yah right. Very funny. I just spoke to Torres."
"Eh serious. Don't believe then up to you lah."
Then right after that, I received a call from Hamdi, him telling me the same thing. Just that this time, he told me he saw the Liverpool bus, and not Liverpool themselves. I was at Popeye (Singapore Flyer) at that point of time. And when he told me that Liverpool's buses were blue and red, the sercurities were clad in black, I almost choked on my fries.
RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES, THE 2 BUSES WERE JUST THERE. YEA! IN FRONT OF MY FACE! WITH THE CLADDED BLACK FROM TOP TO TOE SERCURITIES THERE!
I sat in front of the buses for about 45 minutes, and I was kind of alone over there. Liverpool went up the buses one by one. ONE BY ONE! I FUCKING SWEAR I GOT PARALYSED FOR A MOMENT OR TWO!
And there was Torres. I could recognize that Angel from afar. He's so freaking cute! I can't find any other words to describe him. And when he was on the bus, I just let out a stupid wave, trying to make sure that I don't look to excited or stupid (I was actually screaming through the phone to Hamdi, yet trying to maintain my sweetest smile). And Torres waved back to me. I DIDN'T GET A PICTURE OF THAT! COS' I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THE CAMERA OF MY PHONE. >:(
Far-fetched I know. But I swear on my life, that Torres waved to me. I MEAN WHO ELSE COULD HE BE WAVING TO?! I was almost like the only one there?! Duh DUH?! HAHAHA! What puzzles me was,
what the hell were they doing at the Marina Platform?And the next day, I had great fun just looking at Torres for a whole 1 hour. :)
A very bored goalkeeper.
:)
HAHAHAHAHAHA! >:D
I don't know what #19 is doing, but he looks so fatherly and sweet...
AWWW!
Sea of red. My skin got really red too after that whole event. >:(
That's Jing Ting over there in yellow with her boyfriend on her left!
Ok. I got to go and bathe now. I'll blog again another day! :D
LOVEFOOL
THE CARDIGENS[FIRST BAND ON THE MOON]
