Flying Solo: November 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

Knn.

I blogged halfway and blogger refreshed. I am fucking unhappy.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

JUST SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!
I HATE YOU FOR COMING BACK AS AND WHEN YOU LIKE!
I HATE YOU FOR NOT EXPLAINING ANYTHING AFTER YOU HAD YOUR FAIR SHARE OF FUN!
I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT YOU ALL THINK!
BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP THROUGH A SUNDAY MORNING!
BUT HERE I AM, 748AM, BLOGGING ABOUT BEING UPSET!
AND YET YOU, THE REST OF YOU, SLEEP LIKE A BABY, WHILE I BECOME AN INSOMNIAC!

I AM SO FUCKING STRESSED RIGHT NOW, I COULD JUST BITE YOUR HEAD OFF IF YOU STAND EVEN A MILE AWAY FROM ME!

I wish I could pick up a chopper now and wield it in your face.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Romantic Comedies

TEARY EYED
MISSY ELLIOTT
[THE COOKBOOK]

I've been watching lots of romantic comedies at my workplace these days. And I'll also be coming up with a list of movies soon, for what I'm going to have to watch everyday. That's how free I am ~~almost~~ every single day.

I'm not feeling fine at all. I feel disorientated, and I don't know what I want. At least for today, that is. No dinner dates. I'll just go home to mummy then. And I'll cry till my pillow turns completely wet.

If it so wasn't for my complexion, I think I would've been drinking myself to sleep. Gosh. I haven't drank for ages. Much less party. Everyday I talk to Mira, I just tell her how much I need to party and let loose. You know. You just want to go crazy for a night, and just forget about all your troubles. Its temporary, but I know I'll be happy for a night, and that's all it takes I guess.

I was watching What Happens In Vegas, and I so hate Hollywood movies for ruining my realistic thoughts. Like hell... I'll never get drunk, smooch a fucking smoking guy like Ashton, and end up marrying him. In the first place, I'm no where compared to Cameron Diaz. The only similarity that the both of us girls have is that, our skin are both acne-prone. Yup.

I miss having fun with the one I love. Wait, who do I love now?

PEACHES & CREAM
112
[PART III]

Panda Man?

Seriously, which part of a panda is he similar to? The fair part?! What the fuck? Maybe it isn't him.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Happy Little Girl

SAME SCRIPT, DIFFERENT CAST
WHITNEY HOUSTON FEAT. DEBORAH COX
[WHITNEY: THE GREATEST HITS]

So today I took MC for another facial treatment at Novena. My mom accompanied me today, and it was so much fun and less painful to have some company. And my mom was treated with a free facial today as well. Yet I had to go through a painful bout of electrocuting and burning of my face again. :(

But oh wells, I'm glad that my complexion seems to be getting better though. $1200 well spent I hope. I love you, mummy. I hope the 24th and the 26th would be a great Christmas present for myself too.

And so I took the time to spend some time with my mom too. Went shopping, and I bought a bronze ring for myself. And my mom bought me a pair of bronze earrings too. And and! She bought me my Papillio slippers too! Wow... I'm like super happy seriously? Though my daddy doesn't like them slippers, I don't care. Cos' I've been wanting them for a long time already.

I wanted to get myself a pair of white original Birks, but I end up with something I told everyone that I'm not getting. A graphic Papillio. Hahaha! Oh wells. Papillio is Birks's sister anyways. THANK YOU MUMMY!

APPETITE
USHER
[HERE I STAND]

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

John Cusack

Currently, I am in love with this man. When he was younger. He's not the best looking man on Earth, and definitely incomparable to Johnny Depp. But hell... He has his charms on me.

He's just not that into you

POKER FACE
LADY GAGA
[THE FAME]

He's Just Not That Into You

I just watched this movie online at work. Yup. I'm pretty much paid to watch movies. I choose to believe that's the cause. :)

I have mixed feelings about this movie. Nonetheless, I still enjoy having that fuzzy wuzzy feeling of having to dream of whatever I want happening to me, happen in a movie.

The sex that Bradley Cooper and Scarlett Johansson almost had was booby grabbingly, ass grabbingly, fuckingly hot. I so wish that it could happen to me. And I could so just put that scene onto repeat. Cos Bradley and Scarlett are FUCKING HOT. P.S.: Dear Ryan Reynolds, I approve your marriage with Scarlett. She's truly irresistable.

The scene where Justin Long gave his partner (I don't know the actress's name, but her screen-name's Gigi). A sudden shut up kiss at her doorstep. Aww... I wish that happened to me too. I was so squealing at my desk in my office with my earphones on when that happened.

And the way Ben Affleck proposed to Jennifer Anniston. I cried like a wimp. But I tried to use my cardigen to cover and all. Talking about cardigen, I need a new one. The one Ham gave me already has a small hole on its left sleeve.

There're many good quotes mentioned in the show, but I think this one really hit me straight in the head the most.

"If a guy doesn't call, he doesn't give a shit about you!"
- Justin Long

How true and realistic is that. Yet, I, being as stubborn as mule, choose not to believe. But instead, I try to cover it up with assumptions good and bad. But just not willing enough to face that fact that, the guy's just not interested in me at all! And it took me so many falls, so many friends and a movie for me to realize that fact.

Mimi hasn't contacted me for a couple of days. Just this afternoon, I was still telling Mira how much I wished he'd call me now, and so that I could just talk to him about our problems. Now that I think of it, what problems are there to talk about? I'll only listen to the good points, and the bad points? I'd just cry and tell Mira or Jt about it. And the next day, try to cover up his reasons, when in fact, all the guy wanted to do was to just be honest.

But I, just don't want to accept his honesty. Everyone knows that the truth hurts the most.

And then there's Hamdi. I always wait around for his calls and messages too. He reminds me much of the second guy Gigi tried to date. His style of talking, he just twists his words around.

"Are you going to call me?"
"We'll keep in contact. :)"

Hamdi and I have long ago been apart. I, had my own fair share of seeing guys. And he, although he denies it, I still believes that he's been seeing other girls too. I am so jealous. So so jealous. And Hamdi doesn't call either. Oh wells, if he doesn't call, he doesn't give a shit. Maybe, I should really lock that quote up in my head.

But still, it doesn't stop me from feeling all jittery when my phone rings. I wonder what ringtone will be rang. Down by Jay Sean? That's Mimi's ringtone. Or Insomnia by Craig David? That's Hamdi's ringtone. But most of the time, its either Run This Town by Jay-Z or 3 by Britney Spears. That's my family and Mira respectively.

Maybe I should just change all ringtones to be the same, so that I wouldn't be that anticipating and jittery when my phone really does ring.

And oh. Today I read Mimi's ex's blog. Seems like she's suffering from a headache too. And I really wonder who's the Panda that she's mentioned in her blog. Mimi hasn't called me on Sunday or yesterday night. He usually says that he'd call me. But not anymore... Yes. Its the little things that I take careful note of always.

But if he does call me tonight... I might probably just ask him what's up with him and his ex. Maybe pretending that I know kukunuts about the whole damn blog thing, making it sound like a random question. But I know Mimi isn't that stupid. He wouldn't ask how come I knew about it, he would just keep quiet and knowing the answer.

Again, all the above is based on the assumption that he calls. What if he never calls? He obviously doesn't give a shit about explaining anything to me at all. To start it all off, we aren't even attached. All we had was fun. Nothing more. I guess we're nothing more than friends.

Whereas for Hamdi and I. I'll just continue being jealous for nothing till I get better.

AM I DREAMING
KAT DELUNA FEAT. AKON
[9 LIVES]

Monday, November 16, 2009

I need desperately need some sleep

STOLE
KELLY ROWLAND
[SIMPLY DEEP]

If my boss comes up to me right now, and says that I'm fired, for no apparent reason. I think I'd just stand up, and walk out of the office with my stuffs. Without even asking why. No, I didn't do anything wrong (at least illegally) to jeopardize the company. I'm just fucking stoned and tired right now. I didn't fucking sleep last night cos' I freaked myself out believing that there'll be a black shadow looming over me, and breathing heavily down my neck.

All thanks to this movie. I watched it yesterday afternoon with Mira at Causeway Point. And although they name it the next Blair Witch Project, this is way scarier than BWP. As the nights progress, the things and sounds that were caught on tape gets more and more frightening.

Initially, everything started with a simple door movement. Then loud knocks and bangs that eventually becomes extremely violent. There were a couple of scenes where I laughed though, when I know it isn't funny. But I just can't help but look at the couple's reactions. Hahaha!

I heard that there're 3 different endings to Paranormal Activity. And it has caused Mira to be very pissed, in fact. The scares of the movie didn't take its effect until I was about to sleep. I didn't want to switch off the lights... I didn't want to leave my bed unnecessarily... I made sure I did all my pee-pee before sleeping... All the measures to ensure that I'm safe on my bed with my bantal busok. Still, I managed to have only 3 and a half hours of sleep. So much for wanting to sleep early for the sake of my complexion. :(

So talking about my complexion, Saturday I had to undergo IPL for my skin. Not a sensational feeling. They were saying that the pain actually feels like a rubber band snapping sensation. LIES. ALL A BUNCH OF LIES. First, how the fuck could it be a sensation?!

Sex is a sensation. That?! IS NOT.

And second, no rubber band snapping. I feel electrocuted. NOT FUNNY. :( And after which, I have to go through another process whereby the doctor used this special equipment to burn holes on my face. Literally burn holes on my face. I am not kidding. That was painful like shit. Seriously, the sheets on the bed were almost completely torn out by me. Hahahahaha. I was pulling onto the bed sheets and gritting my teeth so much I think all my teeth has been grinded to powder.

All for beauty lor.

Watched this with Mimi on Saturday too. I think its fucking good. Really nice 2 and a half hours. I needed to pee so badly but because the action doesn't stop at all, I couldn't make myself go to the toilets. And I suddenly don't feel like blogging anymore.

CAN'T LET YOU GO
FABOLOUS FEAT. LIL' MO
[STREET DREAMS]

Friday, November 13, 2009

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

BECAUSE OF YOU
KELLY CLARKSON
[BREAKAWAY]

My entries have been extremely short these days. I have so many things to blog about. But seriously, I just don't feel like sharing it with anyone. The happy news (which I blogged about a couple of days back) was actually, that I'm shortlisted for an interview with SIA on the 24th November. Oh yes, I am extremely happy. Its like I'm one step onwards to my dream.

A lot of people think that stewardesses want to stewardesses for the glam and free travelling. I don't deny the free travelling part. But glam, no. I'll definitely want to indulge myself in excessive designer goods if I could afford them. But on the other hand, being an air stewardess is like another career all by itself, to me. And its also a dream that I want to fulfil not only for myself, but for my mom too.

She has always wanted to be a stewardess, but because of her height, she wasn't able to. Me too, I'm vertically challenged. And complexion challenged too. But when I found out that I'll be having an interview 2 weeks later, I've been disciplining myself. Sleeping no later than 1030PM, drinking at least 2 litres of water every day. I'm enjoying every bit of it, because I know I'm getting healthy. :)

And I feel like I've seen some improvements for my skin too. Though rather minimal. I'm not blessed with good skin like majority teenagers have. What touches me the most is my mom. She, has been showering me with costly treatments. IPL blue-light treatments to chemical peels. The guilt and gratefulness I feel cannot be expressed in words.

Mummy, I love you. I really want to be a stewardess as much as you to.

Whatever that has been stressing me out... Sigh. Jealously is really getting the worst of me. I get intimidated with pretty people. I hate that. I am pretty too, I know it. Just that I don't acknowledge that, because I don't ever feel that I'm ever pretty enough.

I'm just another victim of plastic, and I'm worried. :(

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE
JOJO
[THE HIGH ROAD]

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Baby By Me

The first MV that I ever really liked from 50 Cent. No grinding chicks with big booties, big waistline and big bustline. Just Kelly Rowland, and triplets. A super big AWWWW~! for Mr 50 over there yo!

This sucks

I NEED A GIRL
P. DIDDY FEAT. USHER
[WE INVENTED THE REMIX]

Its only a freaking 1339PM. Argh... Time passes so fucking slowly when you're working in an environment where you detest. No friends, no one to talk to over here. Its just you and your MP3, while you answer calls. And it gets addingly annoying when you have to act like somebody you know you're not. Just because you've got to save your rice bowl. I've got to tolerate the nonsense of a foreign worker.

All the trouble for this.

I so can't wait to leave this place. I've got so many things to blog about. But I'm just so lazy. Either that, I am not exactly be bothered. I pray that my interview on the 24th will be a successful one. I really don't see myself sitting here anymore, at least for a few more months that is.

Argh.

UMBRELLA (REMIX)
RIHANNA FEAT. JAY-Z & CHRIS BROWN
[UMBRELLA (SINGLE)]

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Cos' that was yesterday

MY TIME
FABOLOUS FEAT. JEREMIH
[LOSO'S WAY]

Go hard today
Can’t worry about the past coz that yesterday
Ima put it on tonight coz it’s my time

I have an extremely good news to share today. But I really don't feel like letting it out. Well, at least before I make it. Only my really close friends know what's going on. Oh how happy I am right now. (:

My entry's these days have been really short cos' I've been extremely happy. Why? Because I've been working with Mira for 4 days straight, and she's been keeping me really happy. AWWW~! But tomorrow, I'll be back in the office. :(

Damn.

RUN THIS TOWN
JAY-Z FEAT. RIHANNA & KANYE WEST
[THE BLUEPRINT 3]

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?

YOUNG FOREVER
JAY-Z FEAT. MR HUDSON
[THE BLUEPRINT 3]

Oh baby. I've got so many things to say. But I don't feel like telling nobody, and I am too lazy to blog about it.

Oh. How pretty she is on the outside.But how ugly she is ~~on the inside~~. What an irony, what a pity. Oh why...

Same goes for me. I'm so fucking rotten on the inside.

HATIN' ON THE CLUB
RIHANNA FEAT. THE DREAM

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Jealousy

"Why don't you like her?"
"Cos' she's pretty."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
"No I'm not."
"Then?"
"I hate her cos she's fucking pretty and I am not.

Isn't that a big enough reason not to like someone already?

That's not working anymore

SWEET DREAMS
BEYONCE KNOWLES
[I AM... SASHA FIERCE]

Today's supposed to be an extremely happy day for me. I'll explain that later. But no it is not. Since morning I've been facing fucked up problems, and meeting fucked up people from all directions too.

First off, Mohammed Hamdi, talk to me only when you don't fucking feel rude ok. I think your attitude seriously sucks, and that I do not deserve any of the bullshit you are putting me through. Your rudeness is pissing me off, and so is your girlfriend, Rab Mia Edge the Loser Minah. So please, fuck off with your little girlies like Sonia, Rab, Baky Sherbets whatever ever?

So here's to you and your fugly bitches.

Baby Manje does not want to play with Boy Lintah anymore. Boy Lintah can go play with himself ok? Or if you prefer it, you can all play together on your bed. Enjoy.

Second thing that pissed me off so badly this morning is my colleague. She totally stepped on my tail, and for the first time today, I raised my voice at her. Not funny ok. I so do not want to elaborate because I simply want to just forget about it. Yet on the hand, I'm bored stiff here. So I'll blog.

I came to work late today because there was a jam on TPE. Ok, I was partly at fault too, cos I took 45 minutes today to figure out what to wear. So I reached work at 845AM, as if that's not bad enough.

And since I had a new colleague yesterday (my colleague's brother), he took over my desk and laptop as well, since he was here early, and since he's my colleague's brother too. Its ok. Just a laptop. No privacy for yesterday morning.

So I took my own laptop today. Initiative you know. I was right. He already was using my laptop that the company gave me. His dirty fingers were all over my innocent beautiful white laptop. My laptop was violently raped.

But anyways, after which, there was a screw up in the computer's system. All of which happened between 845AM - 9AM. So much cock ups. And that stupid colleague of mine, wanted to cover her brother's backside, so everything push to me lah! Knnnbccb lah!

Her brother's like fucking 27 years old ok. Go get a proper paying job alright? Stop fighting with fresh graduates like Mira and I. Then again, I'm not staying here for long anyways (that's the good news).

And in the end, I sat there not doing anything for a couple of hours, while her brother who's new to everything, screws up all the reports. Even Mamun don't like him too. Pfft.

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *STABS*

Ok. Now for the short short good news ok. I heard from my auntie that my favourite company is hiring again. And I've already sent in my resume, and I hope I get shortlisted for the interview sometime near 2010. I can't wait. (:
But I do need lots of time to let me skin heal too. If only I could Photoshop my face in reality. I'd photoshop for a much better complexion and smaller frame, and longer legs. Sigh.

If only my complexion was this good in reality.

So the eve of Halloween was spent at Jas's place with Mira, Sofian, Avinder and Mimi. Blair Witch Project is so fucking stupid I so fucking feel like killing myself. I guess you got to have the scare effect when you're in the cinema.

I didn't noticed how black Mimi got, after Mira mentioned it.
Completely Kon-vict.

The rest of the night was spent sleeping on couches all. Except for Jas and I. We just spent the night talking cos the both of us couldn't sleep. End up going back with Mimi after Mira got on the cab at 5AM ++ in the morning. A couple of minutes before midnight charge ends. STUPID.

But ultimately, I got Mimi's Topman sweater. And I thought Mira was the gold-digger. I'm probably one in the making. :D

I'm so running after my dreams and I can't wait... (:

RUSSIAN ROULETTE
RIHANNA
[RATED R]

Monday, November 2, 2009

Complexion

Seriously. My skin condition right now? Not funny at all. Its acne. I am not ok. Not ok at all. I want to lock myself up in the room till my face heals. Its... Horrible. I feel like Freddie.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Fugly

I feel so ugly suddenly.
I don't even know why I like you.
And how come its affecting me at 1243AM in the morning that I don't see you online.
Cos' you said you weren't going to party or celebrate Halloween today.
On the other hand, I so know how hard you're partying right now.
Yet again, you are nothing to me. Lol.
I was looking at your ex's pictures, and I was like, fuck yeah she's pretty.
I looked at myself, and I was like, fuck yeah I'm fugly.

Pffft. I want to sleep. And I really don't care if everyone other 20 years olds are getting drunk in their vampire suits tonight. Fuck parties.