So Pampam has grown up, and she will be flying off to Taiwan tomorrow morning for a 7 days holiday with her 2 best friends, Jing Ting and Trevor. :)
Even though I may not seem excited at all, I really really am. I even installed a Blogger App in my iPhone so that I could blog on the go, and that is if Taiwan has wi-fi around their area like Singapore does. Gosh I'm so excited.
But its so dreadful to be working right now alone, in the shop. This afternoon was really busy though. And I had customers messing up the racks and scarves and whatever that could be messed up. Even I was caught up in their mess.
And I'm still not feeling well either after getting infected by my sickly boyfriend on Friday, after a visit and a fight. :(
I just took the medications my mom 'prescribed' to me, and I'm already feeling really drowsy and sleepy in the shop. Am wondering if Iryan's coming over to visit me after his work ends at 6PM today. Had a message from him saying that he's having a high fever right now. Called his mobile and his workplace, no one answered. I suppose he's off from his break.
Would definitely visit him tonight if he can't make it to my shop. Will wanna see him before I fly off to Taiwan tomorrow. Gonna miss him real bad. :(
Just watched The Proposal featuring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Gosh, can't get enough of that movie. I wish I could write a movie like this one day. (:
Tried to get my boyfriend to tell me something romantic after I watched the movie. It ended up... Well. Haha! Not what I expected. Yea... Guess that's what the average Singaporean men are like. Not in the least bit of romantic. Gotta live with that.
Just stick to the movies for romance. Let the hunks and babes do the job, Pam. Goodnight! :)
My boyfriend made me very hairpea today. Nope, no involvements of any hair or peas or such. Just hairpea.
The word must be together know? Cannot be hair or pea. It must be together, like hairpea. HAIRPEA.
*waves and gets a fit*
*tries to stop*
*stop halfway, waves again*
*decides to really stop*
*waves again and gets a worse fit*
*eventually, really gotta stop*
*waves at Banglas*
?!?!?!?!
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE
JET
[GET BORN]
Morning world. I'm late for work for 10 minutes and right now I'm blogging on the subway. I think I'm quite addicted to this. When I don't have anyone to message, I guess I'll just keep my fingers busy here. So today's gonna be a relatively busy day. What's with the fukuburuko bags that we're gonna sell in the morning. And guess what, I'm late. Is Cynthia gonna kill me or what. I spent a little bit too much time on my iTunes this morning while I was doing my make up. Can't help it. Mainstream songs rock my socks.
Things between Iryan and I may seem to no longer much tension. However, I'm feeling different about this. I have absolutely no idea what to say or do right now. Its like the both of us are hanging onto something we're pretending is not there. Aiya don't know lah. Damn bloody tired. Last night, we had a chat on MSN to hopefully lighten the load off each other's mind. It probably did him well, and like I said before. I don't know what to do when people apologize. It just feels awkward. And when assholes don't apologize, I whine and complain like a menstruating bitch. Well, that's me for you.
So last night he'd also tell me that showing concern isn't just about love, showering your partner with gifts, making out and sex. Omg. He thinks I'm all about that. Seriously I don't understand why does he and his friends have to see me like some stink filled whore?! I am not! Damn it. Maybe I'm creating a mountain out of a molehill. I don't know. But I just didn't wanna continue the conversation last night and I just went straight to bed. Tired lah. I really wanna rest. Don't wanna fight anymore. Waste my breath and makes me look more stupid than people already perceive me to be.
Was talking to Mira the whole night before I chatted with Iryan. We are both pissed off and upset with people who just cannot and despise and stereotype and degrade and condemn people like us who are young and just wanna have fun in a different sort of way. Do not disrespect the way we are because we did not disrespect your ways no matter how weird you guys seem to us. So just shut up, nobody cares about your opinion god damn it. Don't go around asking people to repent or make people think that they're not gonna go to heaven. You're not God. So you don't do the judging.
MONSTER
LADY GAGA
[FAME MONSTER]
Call me sensitive or what not. But I think I've just been labelled as a hopeless whore who loves nothing but getting laid. Ok. I am not sensitive. I am thinking right. This is stupid. I'm not sleeping tonight.
I WILL BE THERE
BRITNEY SPEARS[... BABY ONE MORE TIME]I just had a huge fight with Iryan. He suspects that I'm fooling around outside with a good friend of his. I feel devastated. I'm really lost on how I could earn his trust. I'm not good with words. And I really don't know how to pen down my feelings. I'm not good with consolations either. I remember back in secondary school, I had a friend who wanted to attempt suicide, and all I did was to back off. She may have thought I was some hard-up bitch who refuses to help a friend on the verge of insanity and depression, but really, I'm just plain scared.
Its not like I wanna run away. I just don't know what to do when such things are given to me. The best I could do is ask her to see a psychiatrist. Isn't that the best and most realistic solution to everything?
I slept last night, even though I told Iryan I didn't. Well, we just fought. And if I told him I slept, he would probably think that I don't give a shit about this problem and I'm just fine sleeping through it.
Thing is, I'm really tired with my work and I've got my school schedules coming up all. There really isn't that one person I could share this with. And even if I do share it with Iryan, I doubt he'd understand either. I mean, if he shared such problems with me, I think I'd be speechless too. Like I said, I'm not good with words. So I never blamed anyone, so I decided to just keep things to myself.
At times like this, I really wanna cry. But it seems like telling the whole world I wanna cry is like I'm attracting attention.
But seriously, I wanna cry lah. Like listen to emotional songs or watch romantic comedies and cry my eyes out.
I thought I was gonna be very happy. But then again, like the previous relationship I thought wrong. And what upsets me the most is people around me just don't trust me. Just because I open my mouth as and when I want to, I'm seen as a crazy ass bitch who mouths off every word before thinking. Well, I do think. And what I think is, people are able to accept what I say, because they know me well.
Gosh... I wanna stop having this kind of cooped up feeling inside of me. Like burn a stick, go to sleep, and tomorrow I'm off for work again.
There are so many events coming up at my work place, and Cynthia's putting me in charge of all these. I guess that's what they call work stress. And my school's reopening this 24th. Somebody just shoot me please?
If I'm gonna fail my courses again, I think that's the end of school for me. But fuck, I need that damn degree.
And then there was this huge fight last night that totally killed my sleep. Though I did manage to sleep, I still woke feeling wuzzy. I can't concentrate on my work. I kept looking through my phone, hoping for something from Iryan, even if its another fight. I wanna thank Mira for being there for me today. And auntie Irean too. I really thought I was gonna mouth off every customer in my shop.
I don't know how to show love to my boyfriend. I feel useless. We came from 2 totally different worlds and its been so easy for me to accept his ways, cos he's such a good kid. But its almost impossible for him to see what I see in my world. At times I wish I was a good girl. But I probably wouldn't have learnt the meaning of fun or crazy if I were.
I probably wouldn't been this bubbly happy girl that I am right now. Or at least that's what people see.
I'm so tired. Physically and psychologically. I wanna have a good good sleep. But before that, I wanna cry first, and finish this entry. I don't know what to say anymore. I love my boyfriend. I really do. I tried my best in every thing.
Iryan just messaged me telling me he's sorry. I told him I'm fine and I hope he's fine too.
I am not fine. I am hurt. When he asked me if I liked his friend, I swear my eyes could almost just pop out and my heart was torn to pieces. Shredded in a shredder. I felt like American cheese on a pizze. Powdered and in infinite pieces. What the hell did I do? And right now, I don't know what to do either. He apologized. Ok what's next? They say time heals everything. Ok. What if time can't, and I have to act like I'm fine for weeks? I bet we're gonna fight again. I don't wanna take time to cool it all off, because I wanna see this boy. So now, tell me. What am I supposed to do?
I hate to make decisions. I really do. Decisions were never in my dictionary.
I hate it that there's this hole in the relationship right now. Its like a concrete floor, and then there's this hole there, and you seal it up with cement again. There's this hugeee mark/scar there and you know someone's gonna just comment on it, cos they see that black mark
buay song.
Relationships were never perfect. But the wrong quarrels just hurt so bad. I wish we could just fight about Angry Birds. We'd look so much cuter that way. I hate to scream at people I love even through messages because there would be this guilt I can't swallow eventually. Then what am I supposed to do when I'm angry and not at fault?
I don't do swallows. I can't. I wanna fight. I've been taught to fight. But whenever I fight, problems comes back to me, and I never had people defending me. I messaged a mutual friend today, and he told me to do some soul searching.
I was pissed. The only soul searching I need to do and am guilty of is mouthing off god damn it vulgarities. I'm tired and I wanna puke now. Goodnight.
ISLAND IN THE SUN
WEEZER[WEEZER]
