Flying Solo

Friday, May 22, 2009

Jitterbug

WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO
WHAM!
[MAKE IT BIG]

I just came back from a movie with Hamdi, Night At The Museum 2. I love that movie! It would make a great family-kids movie, and I'm telling you, I think Ben Stiller is starting to look extremely hot to me. HAHA! I used to be only attracted to his character, which I call the cheebye attitude. I laughed like a pig throughout the whole movie. Although it all seemed pretty rushing to me. Slap-stick comedy, I must say. Arh, go watch it yourself. Its worth it. :)



This afternoon, I was off at RP the whole day. Waiting for Hamdi to finish his class. Its kind of like a waste of my time... But, oh wells. I thought it'd be worth it. I've been looking forward to today for a long long time already. Probably since last week. Thought I could spend the whole day with him and all, have dinner, catch a movie...

But Izzah just had to ruin everything.

When I say I hate someone, I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. People say I'm childish, that I should forgive and forget... That life is too short for anger and misery. Thing is, I don't have any thing to be happy about to fill up the space for anger and misery.

Ever since I got into a relationship, I've been rather alone. I won't deny it. I've lost my friends. Of course I do have people to chat with when I'm online and all. When I feel lame, I do have people to chat with. But when I want to cry or when I do have something happy to share, there's this emptiness in my heart that's unfilled. For example, last Saturday, I was so lost at Holland V., crying alone by myself outside Swensen's. It was so embaressing, I didn't know who to call, what to do. And I just dialled for Mira.

Maybe its fate that made me call her, since coincidentally, she saw Hamdi too. But never mind about. Thank you anyways, Mira. :)

I'm jealous of people who could tell me, I'm going out with my girlfriends tonight cos' I broke up with my boyfriend.

Because I can never say that. When I break up with my boyfriend, I'd either cry my eyes out at home, or go to Orchard Road and wander alone, slowly, without any aim. Yea, its no doubt pathetic.

Talking back to Izzah, she sent an SMS to Hamdi about Bloco. Yes... Bloco again. I hate it, more than anything else. And I didn't understand why Izzah had to be the one who SMS Hamdi. I just have this thing against her, that makes me want to just... Find faults with her. In simpler terms, I hate her like shit.

When I was taking a bath just now, I was figuring out what to do with my relationship with Hamdi now. Sometimes, I feel like I want to save it. But at times, I really do feel like throwing in the towel. It goes back to the problem with trust. Though I keep telling myself that he loves me, I don't believe myself. Much less, believe him.

I brought everything upon myself.

So after Hamdi showed me the message Izzah sent to him, I grabbed his phone and sent her a message straight back. "What the fuck do you want bitch?"

I didn't feel pleasure at all after sending out that SMS. In fact, I felt worse. As if I'm fighting with myself. She didn't reply the message either, making me feel more like punching myself. I do stupid things that I regret after a while.

And tomorrow, its Saturday. I don't want to sleep now, because I don't want tomorrow to come so soon. Maybe instead of hating Bloco so much and making myself and Hamdi feel so miserable, I should support Bloco instead? ...

No. Its too difficult a task for me. I can't do it. Cos' I really hate it.

Anyways, Mira wanted me to blog about something that I told her this morning.

Recently, there was a news/rumour circulating around RP (I heard it from Hamdi) that a RP, year 3 DBA student committed suicide at Hougang block 671, when today was supposed to his FYP submission. He was too stressed as he did not finish his FYP, so he ended his life there and then.

I must say, he really is daring. I had that thought (I admit) when I was doing my FYP too. I'm sure Mira felt the same way. Moreover, this student stays at Hougang too! In a way, he's far too similar to me, that when Hamdi told me the news, I felt a little sad instead of amused.

Mira and I could've counselled him man. After all, we've been through the same. WE TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY knows how it feels. Mira had to even go through it twice! And our team-mate eventually left us on the first FYP. Now tell me, who's worse?

Rest in peace, dude. At least you no longer have to see codes.

Now come to think about the FYP projects, I shiver. Damn it... Its just so demoralizing to see people complete their FYPs one by one, and we?! Our team mates leavin one by one. GREAT. The best part? The people who stays, gives you COPY'N'PASTE work. Duh?! As if we couldn't do that either. Idiot.

Alright. Pam is very tired now. She'll stop blogging and try to keep herself awake. She hates Saturdays, and no longer looks forward to it. I'd rather work than dwell in self-pity every Saturday.

IF YOU HAD MY LOVE
JENNIFER LOPEZ
[ON THE 6]

by pammie! at 11:34 PM |