JUST FUCKING WAKE UP PAM!
WAKE UP!
HAMDI DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!
HE DOESN'T WANT TO REPLY YOUR STUPID SMS!
HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU WANT TO TAKE BIKE LICENSE!
HE DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU'RE GETTING HIM LIVERPOOL TICKETS, COS HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!
HE DOESN'T CARE WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO BE THERE!
HE'D RATHER BE BUSY WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THAN BE WITH YOU!
YOU ARE NOTHING!
YOU DON'T STAND ANYWHERE IN HIS HEART AT ALL!
YOU NO LONGER ARE HIS GIRLFRIEND!
YOU ARE NOTHING! NOTHING!
HE DON'T LOVE YOU AT ALL!
HE FINDS YOU ANNOYING!
FINDS YOU PATHETIC!
HE THINKS YOU'RE CRAZY!
HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU COMMIT SUICIDE!
HE THINKS YOU DON'T DARE TO!
HE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU COS' YOU ARE JUST A NUISANCE TO HIM!
HE CAN'T WAIT TO GET RID OF YOU!
HE COULDN'T BE MORE THAN HAPPY FOR YOU TO DIE!
HE HATES YOU.
SO GET LOST, PAM.
HE FUCKING HATES YOU.
HE IGNORES YOU LIKE FUCK, AND YET YOU PESTER HIM LIKE FUCK.
You are pathetic.
HUSH HUSH (REMIX)
PUSSYCAT DOLLS[HUSH HUSH (SINGLE)]Blogging @ 1645PM in the officeWas listening to Far Away by Nickelback. Then I realized how much I miss that song. Anyways, I know its stupid that, I actually wanted to buy tickets to the Liverpool match on Sunday 27 July 2009. All the Liverpool fans in Singapore seem to be going, except Hamdi.
No, I’m not a fan. So I thought of getting him those tickets, and yet, I got chided by him instead.
He’s right… I didn’t spare a thought for him. I thought he’d be happy to have the tickets, but he isn’t happy that I’ll be paying for it. Stupid me… I kept telling myself that this will be a surprise and I will not let him know anything until that day itself. But I’m so afraid he’d have those cursed Bloco practices. I should have known better that there wouldn’t be any practices on Sundays… Then I could have probably went ahead with this stupid surprise of me.
Thank god I didn’t go ahead to get the tickets. He wasn’t happy anyways…
Was reading a comic that I used to read when I was in secondary school. Thought I was just like the female character in that book. Just that she’s more naïve and stupid than I am. Her boyfriend rides a bike… Her dad disapproves of their relationship… She’s hyper sensitive…
Then something came up into my head. I want to take up a bike license, and get my own bike. So that I could ride side by side with Hamdi. I always thought this was fun. And I’ve already signed up for RTT this morning at my work place…
And when I told Hamdi I was determined to attain a bike license, he said it wasn’t cool and he was already going to sell his bike. It felt worse than being crushed by a boulder, though I was never crushed by a boulder before.
Then now, I’m left wondering whether or not to go ahead and take the RTT… Well, at least I could tell people I’ve taken the RTT, though I didn’t continue.
Yesterday, I added Hamdi on Facebook (finally I had the guts to). And I was quite confident with myself that I’ll be alright… I’ll be ok… We’ll soon be back together.
I’m slowly losing that faith.
Sometimes, I don’t know why I come to work. I’d just stare at my emails the whole day, waiting for God knows who. My mobile too…
Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away…
I’m going jobless soon too. And I am really really really very stressed. I wish I could drink again, but I’ve already promised Hamdi not to. At least I could sleep after getting drunk. :)
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
QUEEN[A NIGHT AT THE OPERA]
MY OH MY
AQUA[AQUARIUM]I'm actually really stressed to my neck. Not about love really. Its about me this time. However, no one really seems to be interested in talking to me. Not even Hamdi... I really wish I had someone to share my problems with. :(
HUSH HUSH (REMIX)
PUSSYCAT DOLLS[DOLL DOMINATION]
BUT IT'S BETTER IF YOU DO
PANIC! AT THE DISCO[A FEVER YOU CAN'T SWEAT OUT]Haven't been updating my blog frequently. Things between Hamdi and I have taken a turn for the worse. I wouldn't elaborate on that. Anyways, I was supposed to be going out with Hussein tomorrow. A mutual friend I met from Sop 2 years ago.
Someone whom I don't even remember the looks. Not even the slightest memory.
I was ok with going out with him as a friend on Saturday for a movie and dinner. But it all came to a stop when I went to check him out on his FaceBook. See, FaceBook is a dangerous thing. That's the reason why I hate it so much.
He's terrific friends
(flirting partners) with Yani.
That's it. I want to get out of this circle badly. I had enough of seeing them everywhere. This whole Bloco thing just sucks the fuck out of me. Enough is enough. Saturday is another ME day.
RED LIGHT SPECIAL
TLC[CRAZYSEXYCOOL]
I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
The last thing that I wanna hear
But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got somethin' to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
Girl I'll make it easy for you
But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind (And there's nothing that I can do
To stop me losin' you)
I can't make you change your mind (If your heart's not in it)
But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
“Everybody needs a little time away.”
I heard her say,
“From each other.”
“Even lovers need a holiday.
Far away, from each other”
Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just the part of me I can't let go (Ooo ooo)
Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't wanna be swept away
Far away, from the one that I love
Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really want to tell you I'm sorry
I could never let you go
After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just the part of me I can't let go
After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
You're gonna be the lucky one
When we get there gonna jump in the air
No one will see us 'cause there's nobody there
After all, you know we really don't care
Hold on, I'm gonna take you there
Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
you love me no longer, I know
and maybe there is nothing
that I can do to make you do
Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
that I ought just stick to another man
a man that surely deserves me
but I think you do!
So I cry, and I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
Lately I have desperately pondered,
spent my nights awake and I wonder
what I could have done in another way
to make you stay
Reason will not reach a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
as long as you don't go
So I cry, I pray and I beg
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
So I cried, and I begged for you to
Love me love me
say that you love me
lead me lead me
just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
(anything but you)
Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
Love me love me
I know that you need me
I can't care about anything but you
You took your love away
too fast
Left no chance to say
look back
And now I know the truth,
it makes it easier.
Maybe when time goes by,
I'll understand
Lets pretend that I moved on,
then I'll tell myself
that life goes on without you.
Open my eyes, look deep inside,
I run away, I run away, I run away
You threw it all away,
so blind (so blind)
Pushed me far from you in your life.
Now I know the tears
wont lead to loneliness.
Maybe when time goes by,
I'll understand
Lets pretend that I moved on,
then I'll tell myself
that life goes on without you.
Open my eyes, look deep inside,
I run away, I run away, I run away
I run away
(I run away)
(I run away)
Lets pretend that I moved on,
then I'll tell myself
that life goes on without you.
Open my eyes, look deep inside,
I run away, I run away, I run away-y-y-y-y-y
Let's pretend that I moved on,
tell myself
that life goes on without you.
Open my eyes, look deep inside,
I run away, I run away.
Lets pretend that I moved on
then I'll tell myself
that life goes on without you.
open my eyes...*fades*
[spoken]
Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see
[verse]
We belong together
And you know that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart,
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?
When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around
[Chorus:]
Although we've come to the End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I
Can you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me, don't let me down
[Chorus]
[spoken]
Girl I'm here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?
I'm here for you
I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
Coz you just won't come back to me
Will you? Just come back to me
(Lonely)
Yes baby my heart is lonely
(Lonely)
My heart hurts baby
(Lonely)
Yes I feel pain too
Baby please
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me down
[Chorus]
[Chorus (a cappella)]
Damn, I mean, I just keep thinkin' about you
I mean, I wanna move on but I can't move on
It's like you got some kinda hold on me and, man I don't know
But I'ma go ahead and talk about it, listen
I'm sittin' lookin' out the window like damn
Tryna fix this situation that's at hand
You're still runnin' through my mind
When I'm knowin' that you shouldn't be
Me all on your mind and I'm knowin' that it couldn't be
'Cause you ain't called and I ain't even appalled
I still got a lotta pain, I ain't dealt wit it all
I been runnin' 'round with other chicks, I'm single and they lovin' it
I'm likin' it but I just want the one that I was in love with
That's not the end of it, I'm tryna let you go
I can't get a grip of it is what I'm tryna let you know
You got a hold or some kinda control of me
I don't know what it is but I gotta get you gone from me
I'm workin' at it and it ain't gettin' no better
Just tryna be like, yeah, forget it, whatever
Instead of starin' out this glass, lookin' at this bad weather
Damn, I gotta pull myself together 'cause
When I'm with somebody, all I think 'bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smilin' faces in my Sidekick, outta town visits
All the time we spent together
Makes it hard to get you outta my system
And you know what you do to me, do to me
You don't even understand, damn
And you know what you do to me, do to me
It's so hard to get you outta my system
I'm too attached, my heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad, that's what you can call that
And when I see you in the streets, that's the worse for me
Used to love the little things you did, that's what works for me
It's too major, don't see you in my pager
Know what you doin', where you at or can I see you later?
The fellas tellin' me, “Just let her go, Bow�
Believe me, I'm tryin', man, I just don't know how
I be in all the top spots, leavin' with the hot shots
Knowin' they just want me 'cause I'm in the top spot
That's not poppin' and my brain ain't stoppin'
Thinkin' who she with or where she goin', is she club hoppin'?
I never had this kind of problem in my life
This is my first time dealin' with this kind of fight
It's every night and every flight and every time you in my sight
Damn, this ain't even right 'cause
When I'm with somebody, all I think 'bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smilin' faces in my Sidekick, outta town visits
All the time we spent together
Makes it hard to get you outta my system
And you know what you do to me, do to me
You don't even understand, damn
And you know what you do to me, do to me
It's so hard to get you outta my system
Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
You been runnin' through my mind all day, can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind
But I can't after all this time, that's what kills me
Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
You been runnin' through my mind all day, can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind
But I can't after all this time and it kills me
When I'm with somebody, all I think 'bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smilin' faces in my Sidekick, outta town visits
All the time we spent together
Makes it hard to get you outta my system
And you know what you do to me, do to me
You don't even understand, damn
And you know what you do to me, do to me
It's so hard to get you outta my system
I remember everything that me and you talked about
Me and you had our whole life planned out together
And if I could, I would turn back the hands of time
And correct all my mistakes that I ever did
But now I guess I gotta move on, right?
It's still hard and I still love you to this day
Peace
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]
Shut it up, just shut up
Shut up
Just shut up
Shut up [3x]
Shut it up, just shut up
[Chorus]
We try to take it slow
But we're still losing control
And we try to make it work
But it still ends up the worst
And I'm craaazzzy
For trying to be your laaadddy
I think I'm going crazy
Girl, me and you were just fine (you know)
We wine and dine
Did them things that couples do when in love (you know)
Walks on the beach and stuff (you know)
Things that lovers say and do
I love you boo, I love you too
I miss you a lot, I miss you even more
That's why I flew you out
When we was on tour
But then something got out of hand
You start yelling when I'm with my friends
Even though I had legitimate reasons (bull shit)
You know I have to make them dividends (bull shit)
How could you trust our private lives girl
That's why you don't believe my lies
And quick to say
[Chorus]
Why does emotion gotta move so fast
Love is progress if you could make it last
Why is it that you just lose control
Every time you agree on taking it slow
So why does it got to be so damn tough
'cause fools in lust could never get enough of love
Showing him the love that you be giving
Changing up your living
For a loving transition
Girl its a mission trying to get you to listen
Few mad at each other has become our tradition
You yell, I yell, everybody yells
Got neighbors across the street saying
“Who the hell?!?”
Who the hell?
What the hell's going down?
Too much of the bickering
Kill it with the sound and
[Chorus]
Girl our love is dying
Why did you stop trying
I never been a quitah
But I do deserve betta
Believe me I will do bad
Let's forget the past
And let's start this new plan
Why? 'cause it's the same old routine
And then next week I hear them scream
Girl I know you're tired of the things they say
You're damn right
'cause I heard them lame dame excuses just yesterday
That was a different thing
No it ain't
That was a different thing
No it ain't
That was a different thing
It was the same damn thing
Same ass excuses
Boy you're useless
Woooaaahhh!!!
[Chorus]
Stop the talking baby
Or I start walking baby [repeat]
Is that all there is [repeat till fade]
Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I toss and turn in bed
Can't get you out of my head
Even though you're so far away
I need you here with me
Oh boy, why can't you see
That I can't live without your love
When I close my eyes
I think of you
Well I wish I had you here with me
But there's nothing I can do, oh oh
[Chorus]
Counting every day that goes by
And the tears that I cry
(tears that I cry)
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me
Cause you don't wanna love me
Love me no more
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/swy ]
I tried to call your phone
But you ain't been at home
I need to find out where you are
So I can make you see
That you belong with me
For me there is no other love
When I close my eyes
I think of you
I wish I had you here with me
But there's nothing I can do, oh oh
[Repeat chorus]
All I know is that I
can't live without you
Ooh, but I wanna know
What made you feel this way
I'll be right here for you
(right here for you)
And everything that you do
(thing that you do)
But how can I get close to you
When you don't feel the way I do, ah hah
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oooooh....
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
[Pre-Chorus:]
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it (but we lost it)
All of the memories, so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending (Oh oh, oh oh)
Oh oh, oh oh
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they (So are they)
But they don't know me
Do they even know you? (Even know you)
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do (All the shit that you do)
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
[Chorus:]
He was everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending...
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
And we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh....
Oh ooooh....
[Chorus]
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
(Said I need you)
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
[Verse 1]
Off to college
Since you went away
Straight from high school
You up and left me
We were close friends
Also lovers
Did everything
For one another
Now you're gone and I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow
Come back...to me
Can you...feel me (Callin')
Hear me...callin' (For you)
For you...'Cause it's
[Chorus]
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
[Verse 2]
Now I'm sittin' here
Thinkin' 'bout you
And the days we used to share
It's drivin' me crazy
I don't know what to do
I'm just wonderin' if you still care
I don't wanna let you know
That it's killin' me
I know you got another life you gotta concentrate baby
Come back...to me
Can you...feel me (Callin')
Hear me...callin' (For you)
For you...'Cause it's
[Chorus 2x]
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
[Bridge]
I...can't...breathe...no...more
Since you went away I
Don't really feel like talkin'
No one here to love me
Baby do you understand me
I can't do or be without you
[Chorus 3x]
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
(Tell me what I'm gonna do)
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you
[Intro]
I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And it's better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn
[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn
[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same by myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)
[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn (let it burn, let it burn, you gon'learn)
Let it burn (gotta let it burn)
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know its best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
[Bridge]
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)
[Breakdown]
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh
So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return
[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
FROM THE HEART
ANOTHER LEVEL[ANOTHER LEVEL]Blogging in the office @ 0949AMI think I’ve neglected my blog. I abuse it by not uploading any pictures like everyone else does. But, I have no pictures to put up, I realized. Well, I’m not used to have my ugly mug pasted everywhere on the net, I guess. This space is boring man.
I’ve been searching for
emo emo songs these days, especially soul, R&B and 90s boyband songs. I was
‘chatting’ with Syaza last night, though I told her not to reply. I just needed a listening ear last night, but not exactly someone to chat with. The sensation is like screaming into the sea, like your troubles have been drowned out by the roaring waves. I spoke to Jing Ting too, also telling her not to reply me. But she still did, just for the fun of it, she told me.
She understands me perfectly well. :)
Watched
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs with Hamdi last night, at Downtown East. If you liked Ice Age and Ice age 2, you’ll enjoy Ice Age 3. It’s more or less the same. But I really loved the squirrel and his girlfriend. They were hilarious. Felt like I was watching the movie alone, got to get used to that.
Cos’ there’re definitely more to come.Just a random question to everyone out there, though there’s no answer to this question.
What do friends mean to you, in all situations, be it you’re attached/single, loner/emo/loser/nerd/bitch/slut/girl-next-door/everybody-loves-me-person, orphan/abused etc.?For my case, my spouse/boyfriend will reign above everyone else. Spouse, family, career, kids (if I do have kids), friends. That’s me, for now at least. I don’t think I have a liking for kids, nor do I have the passion for nurturing them, playing with them, risking my figure for them, and most importantly, my finances. I don’t even have enough for myself, what am I going to give them?! Moreover, I want my wedding to be a lavish and grand one… That’s a lot of money over there already. Nope, no wants for any kids. But I won’t rule out the possibility of adopting a kid… Oh whatever,
you’re not Angelina you know.
I don’t have many friends at this point of time, when I’m supposed to be surrounded by lots and lots of friends. I’m a lonely 20 year old. But I still have myself. And I enjoy every bit of spending time on me, myself and I. Just that I do have to admit I want company at some point of time.
I would love to party like rockstars with my girlfriends, and party like there’s no tomorrow.The thought of having millions of boyfriends before I meet my Mr. Right excites me too. But finding those millions of boyfriends is already tough enough, much less that stupid Mr. Right. Lots of people told me Mr. Right would come your way when you least expect him to.
I think mine got ran over by a truck.Oh no. There’s something wrong with my iPod. The song skipped itself.
MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
My life seems pretty pointless these days. I’ve been sending my resume to companies to try my luck for a job after my contract here ends. So far, I’ve gotten nothing. Oh! And I just reminded myself that I’ve got to send an email to A*Star. Tsk.
Chatted with Hamdi before our movie yesterday evening. I shared lots of thoughts with him, while he as usual, keeps quiet and exclaims that he didn’t have anything to say when probed.
I told him something that Jing Ting and her boyfriend came up with. They concluded that Hamdi was nothing but a ball-less, insecure, stupid, hopeless Mat. They said he isn’t a guy at all. Well, as much as I beg to differ, I bet Hamdi just took it like passing wind. Went through the left ear, and out the right ear. I know he isn’t that kind of guy though he appears to want to be this way. I was too demanding in the whole relationship in the first place. But Jing Ting doesn’t understand my situation. So there’s no point in me trying to protect Hamdi’s face with her.
Yesterday, I also asked Hamdi a question in the morning, whether or not he wants to salvage this relationship. Last month, when I asked him, he told me he needs more time. Time was given… No answer was given. I couldn’t wait any longer, because I’m here left right center everywhere, not knowing what’s the next time I’m going to take in my life. So I probed him for an answer and to tell me by 10AM. Just a simple answer
Yes/No.
He didn’t reply me. I called him, he didn’t pick up his calls. I gave him till 1015AM. Nothing. So I just took matters into my own hands, and I’ll just assume the answer the way I see it, the way his actions are telling me.
Actions speak louder than words you know. He called me at 1030AM, telling me he wants to salvage it.
It was too late.You couldn’t even say,
I love you. You sure that’s what you want?
To me, sincerity is what counts. If one truly wants to get something done, they would’ve done it within whatever timeframe was given despite the no’s and whatever that comes in between. My grandmother was hospitalized when I was doing my FYP, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be different from all the other students. They can’t jeopardize all students because of me.
If he really wanted to salvage this whole damn thing, he could’ve SMS me at 10AM. He could’ve paid attention to the seriousness in my tone. But I supposed, he didn’t. So I just took matters into my own hands. Still, we went to catch a movie in the evening.
I tried to control my emotions when I met him. Trying to maintain whatever mood I was in, when I was actually still upset and angered by my own actions. Everything went on fine, to me. But I know it wasn’t. Naturally, Bloco came up again, though I hate even the name of it. I abhor it so much that I just can’t stop criticizing it in Hamdi’s face, though I promised myself not to say anything stupid. He seemed totally unperturbed by it. That feeling sucked. I was jealous of him being able to stay this strong, when I was really whoring the heck out of Bloco, his one and only in his life. Why can’t he shout at me and tell me to shut up? I would’ve felt much better.
I told him this, to choose either Bloco or me. If he wanted me, quit Bloco immediately after NDP. He couldn’t give me an answer for that. I no longer want to wait. Its either I give up there now and then, or I’ll have to withstand it when he still wants to continue with Bloco. Bloco is a whole fucking affair he’s having, and I hate it. If Bloco were human, it will be a mistress, a whore, a prostitute, a slut, a bitch, a whole new meaning to the word
thief. I hate her.
Yet he defends her, saying that it isn’t her fault at all. The problem lies with him lying to me in the beginning because of a lame Malaysia trip. I was stupid enough to have initiated a break-up with him, and encouraging him to join Bloco.
At the end of the day, I’m the one who died. While he’s surviving happily, with his new entourage.
It was all my fault.
Is it nature’s way to produce men and women this way, whereby men perpetually don’t pay attention to their female counterparts? And women on the hand, demands and adores men who pays attention to them and they, the female, in turn take the time and effort to notice every single inch of their men? If that were the case, then there’s definitely so much for me to endure and withstand. No wonder there are the existence of homosexuals on Earth. There’s no way men and women can cohabit with such minimal understanding of each other, or at least for my case.
One thing I’m pretty confident, if a guy no longer tells you things that you long to here (even if its on a once in a while basis), you know well that your relationship is going downhill. Especially when they can’t even muster the 3 words,
I Love You, with truth and longing in between.
We had our last supper yesterday night, and though he offered to fetch me home, I decided to walk home myself. He has fetched me far enough from my work place to Pasir Ris, back to Hougang. For that, I’m very appreciative. Though to him, it may well be a routine every time he sees me.
I took a quiet 5 minutes walk back home. And in that short 5 minutes, many decisions were made. Since morning, his late reply left me pondering on what to do next with my
own assumptions. So I took my first step last night. Something that I never had the courage to do for the last 2 weeks. I completely ignored him phone call made to me. He called me at 2312PM, probably to tell me he has reached home. My phone vibrated beside me on my computer table. I turned on my iTunes a little louder to distract me. Exaggerating I know.
After the phone stopped ringing, I went to bed, while I left my phone beside my pillow, half anticipating for another call. I
might just pick it up. But no. Nothing happened. And I just fell asleep.
Till this morning, when I woke up. I saw a missed call from him at 0001AM. And an SMS from him at 0028AM. I was expecting to see a really touching message from him, telling me about what he felt on whatever we talked that day. Nope. It was about Kaka and Real Madrid. He told me to read today’s newspaper as Kaka would be donning his new Real Madrid white kit.
I just threw my phone aside and went to wash up. I wasn’t angry, nor upset. Just disappointed with myself. Why would I put my time waiting for this man who no longer feels anything for me, so many nights before? Even after asking myself that question, I still waited. My phone’s beside me right now. And I’m quietly waiting for his call or SMS, though I know he’s never going to call. I’m sure
he doesn’t know what to say, and he’s busy with his work.
Even if he calls, I may just choose to ignore it, or give him the cold shoulder. I told myself, that if he wants me back, he has to fight for it. And right now, I’m raising the
white flag, but all he sees is
red. I know he’s not going to fight. Its just an excuse for me to leave him alone and slowly forget him.
I’ve never loved someone this much, it hurts to laugh, because I can’t.
”Pamela pamela pamela!!
You’re my only one!
Haha.
He sent me this when we were still in our honeymoon period. I still save it. And it cuts me to delete it. So I’m just keeping it there, to retain whatever memory’s left between the both of us. I’ve given him the receipts that I’ve collected since our courtship. He might have already dumped it in the dumps or in his cupboard, since its just garbage (literally).
I feel brainwashed after that.I gave him a couple of random questions to answer yesterday. All his answers points to Bloco. I made up lousy questions which were obvious enough to show that I’m already nothing but a forgotten tomb in his heart.
Dead.Sad? Yes.
Angry? No.
Regret? Yes.
Postponed my tuition today to tomorrow, because he said to go out, and spend time together. I think I’ll spend time with my mom instead.
Suddenly I felt a chill down my nose. You know, when tears are running up your tear ducts…
“Aiya… We could’ve counted how much money we spent if we had the receipts with us now…”
This feeling is devastating. I don’t like the taste of my tears and mucus.
DREAMING OF YOU
SELENA[DREAMING OF YOU]
I DON’T CARE
FALL OUT BOY[FOLIE a DEUX]Blogging in the office @ 1500PMI
just came back from lunch with my boss and 6 other older colleagues. Surprisingly, the food was kind of easy to digest. I was expecting myself to be so stressed up (after all, its
da boss), causing improper digestion. But hey, all went well. Strictly no traces of work in between our lunch conversations. I like that.
Will be watching
Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs after work today with Hamdi. Hopefully he enjoys it, though I know he isn’t looking forward to this movie. I’ve been waiting for this show since… Last year, the trailer was released?
Oh no… The sun is coming up. I secretly wished that it would just remain dark and gray for the rest of the day. I love dark dark days. They give me a sense of doomsday. ISN’T IT FUN? LIKE SERIOUSLY. Think about it! Typhoons in Singapore! Ok stop.
I’ll continue with my Da Vinci Code now. Blog another time.
SET ME FREE
ANASTACIA[NOT THAT KIND]
