Wednesday, June 17, 2009
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IF TOMORROW NEVER COMESRONAN KEATING
DESTINATION
Ohhh… It feels great to be back at work. I’ve been on leave for 1 and a half day since Monday, and now surprisingly, it feels nice to be back at work. Though I’m already blogging at 1035AM. It truly shows the amount of work for me to finish. Moreover, all my work has to be ‘returned’ to my colleague already, since the ‘project’ has finished, and temporary staffs are kind of no longer needed.
There goes hope of my contract being extended as well. :(
So I’ve been sick for the past few days since Saturday. THANKS TO ZHONG JING TING. Saturday was supposedly a beautiful, rain-when-it-supposed-to-rain, shine-when-its-supposed-to-shine day. I had a pair of free tickets to Jurong Bird Park so JT joined me, since I don’t really have anyone to ask along. It was fun. We taken so many pictures, made fun of whatever species of birds we possibly could, cook up captions for the penguins and made ourselves look like fools. Been years since I went out with her like this.
Oh yah! I met my cousin, Emu (Yi-Mu)! Could hardly contain any excitment when Yi Mun met Yi-Mu.
After which, the both of us went to Marina Square for dinner, at Seoul Garden. Tried to drag Trev along, but he was ill. Funny thing, there was this bunch of Caucasians seated beside us. Probably a group of 8 or more, I didn’t count, cos I was farmished. The both of us were completely oblivious to them until we realized that they were staring at us. Seriously, STARING WITH THEIR ALREADY BIG EYES! Our plates lah… We took food meant for the whole Roman army. :D
We would have stared too if we were the Caucasians. But we’re hungry what…
Then we took a little walk down Esplanade all the way back to Clarke Quay. On the way, I met a super good-looking mat, and I even took a photo with him with my arms around his arms, and in my opinion, what I think is a sexy pose. HAHA! And while CS is away in the army, JT hooked up with an English gentleman as well. That slut. Oh yea, I was imparted Kung-Fu skills from a Shi-Fu I met down the street, in this era too, complete with the pigtails.
Oh. At the end of the day, only did I find out that JT was ill? No wonder I went home feeling sick too.
Its hilarious when I came back from work this morning. Every one asked me how I was. I’m actually fine, but I’ve lost 3/4 of my voice. So whenever I tried my best to reply them, they’d say… “Aiyo… Poor thing…” Hahahahaha. Like seriously, is that for real?! But its ok. I learnt this important lesson from the office. Practice selective listening. Only listen for the best. Ignore everything else that comes your way. Criticism falls under good things, though I refuse to listen to them at times too. Who likes it?!
For the past 2 days, JT has been around to perk me up and take care of me. Especially yesterday. She accompanied me to the polyclinic, and I was frightened to death. Won’t go into details. Still, I won’t completely ignore what I think is going to happen. I’m all alone now, but I know I still have a friend I could rely on when I need her. :)
Spent the whole afternoon at my place, playing Hospital Tycoon. Its ironic how 2 sick people can be so happy in the same room, playing Hospital Tycoon. Hahahaha! I guess that’s what friends are for. If only Trev was around, then we’d have 3 sick people in the room. How cute is that!
I called it off once and for all on my relationship with Hamdi yesterday. He couldn’t keep his promises to me, I couldn’t keep giving him chances as well. I needed to go on. He has already moved on, yet I am still stranded here. But it won’t be long before I catch up with him and be ahead of him. That’s my goal now. :)
Don’t cry because its over, laugh because it happened.
Laughing at myself for being such a fool. I gave him whatever I possibly thought I could. I tried my best. Maybe I used the wrong approach, I shouldn’t have told him that my love for him was fading. He took everything word-for-word literally. It takes two hand to clap. He’s not entirely at fault, but neither am I entirely correct.
The first wrong step made by the both of us was ever to be together. That’s why we’re facing this now. Since the start, I was never what Hamdi ever wanted. Racial, looks, size, character, attitude…
I thought I could change, and I really thought I did. I thought wrong. I was still sensitive, defensive, sarcastic, temperamental, and crazy. Its funny how he could even bear with my nonsense for this long. But I don’t understand why that would give him a reason to lie to me.
Hamdi said he went out with his soccer friends on a Thursday night. On a Suinday night, I found out that him going out with his soccer friends for bowling never existed. He went out with his BE friends to celebrate some of their birthdays. He didn’t tell me because he knew I’d be unhappy. Fine… I won’t deny that I wouldn’t! And for that, I wouldn’t pursue that any further. But I never understood why he lied to me. Couldn’t he have just talked to me about it? I believe I’m still quite a nice person underneath, but was never unearthed.
Then comes the next bomb. He was flirting openly behind my back with another girl by the name of Shafinaz. No, not behind my back. Right under my very nose. No wonder I couldn’t see it. (Try putting your finger under your nose and see if you could see your finger) She was introduced by his good friend, Yazid. No wonder he didn’t want to tell me who recommended her to him. (See the way I put it, she’s like a call-girl) Because I hate Yazid now. I admit, I’m on the verge of learning voodoo now.
I’ve never said Yazid was fat.
I’ve never said Hyatt’s lips needed a liposuction.
I’ve never said Sito was annoying.
I’ve never said Ball was sickening.
I’ve never said Muzzy is a Mat, at least not in his face.
No wonder, Hamdi never liked me talking to Sadi. Cos he was the only nice one to me. The rest of them has a problem with me because they think I’m taking their friend for granted and that he should move on. First of all, I don’t even know you guys well, why are you all taking him away from me? I hope they’re happy now, because Hamdi has well moved ahead before I had the time to find out and bawl my intestines out. I only bawled my intestines out after they flirted for days. He probably even bedded her. Come on, sue me.
And then there’s Syayie, Aqilah’s sister. I rest my case on this. I think the name itself already spells a disaster. On Sunday, RDP had their busking at Tampines. I tried calling Hamdi in the afternoon, but he didn’t pick up. I knew he was heading there. So I didn’t raise any hope in getting back a call from him. But what I did raise was the alarm.
Just a random question to anyone, would you add your boy/girlfriend’s rival’s siblings on FaceBook? Remember, just a question. No puns intended.
So on Monday, my A/O claimed that my face looked like a swollen balloon when I went to work. So he gave me time-off to see the doctor and go home to take a rest. I think I’ve grown fat lah, not that I have a bloated face. But its ok, everything’s going to go back to normal or better than normal. Normal in my own way; my own rules.
Hamdi gave me a surprise by appearing at my place. He wanted to talk. Fine. I was willing to give him another chance. Explanations were given, chances were given, promises were made, pinky fingers were hooked, dinner was nice though my temperature that day rose from a 37.5 to a whooping 38.1 Ok lah, not too high. He promised me he’d delete that horrible virus called FaceBook.
The next day, Tuesday, I was well having my rest. I went to the polyclinic with JT to check up on some stuffs. Was freaking out down there, while Hamdi was freaking around in school. Note: I did not say with whom. He said friends, but then again, if he could lie 1000 times, he could lie for the 1001th time. His replies to me were crappy, saying he did not know what to say. He’s right… I was going too hard on him. So I didn’t call him nor SMS him till the afternoon when he was going to have his UT.
Only at night, before I was about to knock off but I decided to check if he’d delete his FaceBook account, as promised. I am not his mother or anything, but my instincts just told me to look at it. I jumped when I realized when no, he did not deactivate it. I jumped and hit the ceiling this time, when I realized that his call-girl whom was introduced by Pimp Yazid, well they were still exchanging pretty little comments about their pets. Soon, Hamdi will be showing off his pretty little pet bird to her, and her maybe her little pussy, CAT. No puns intended.
I called him immediately, crying like a pig. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to disembody her, and dump her bits and pieces in places like Geylang and Joo Chiat, and maybe Little India too. But I’m a pussy. Those are just thoughts.
I know Hamdi’s angry and really fed up with me for talking with Bud Young. Alright, that’s my fault. I was lonely and bored. I thought of chatting up with some other guys. For that, I’m sincerely sorry. I did you wrong. I told you I’d delete him from my FaceBook, block and delete him off my MSN, but I didn’t. Again, that’s my fault. You have every right to curse and swear at me and call me a liar. Though I didn’t mean to lie, I still am one, cos I broke my promise to you.
But after you ‘reminded’ me, I immediately removed BY from whatever means of communication I possibly could. I could even swear on my life that I’ve only spoke to him once. After we quarreled, I had absolutely no conversations with him. Now why am I explaining myself? Because I want you to know, that I love you.
But you, you told me you love me. Does loving me includes lying to me? You said you’d delete your facebook, you’d stop contacting Shafinaz. Even if you didn’t delete your facebook, I’d be just as happy if you stopped contacting her. You were mine.
The last time I felt like this I don’t even know when. Because as much as you hate to hear Nizar’s name over and over again, I was never his, nor was he ever mine. I never really lost him. But you definitely cut me up worse than he did. In fact, he just left me there to rot, he didn’t cut me. My feelings for him died, my feelings for you were murdered.
I am damn bloody hurt, you know that?
From the bottom of my broken heart,
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love
I never knew love
Till there was you
Never look back, we say
How was I to know, …
Suddenly there’re so many things in my life that I’ve got to get used to. Just to keep myself occupied. This Saturday, 20Jun09, … I promised myself I’ll only cry for a few days. Maybe get into the mode of depression for a while too, so I’d lose weight. And when I get my desirable weight, maybe I’ll go back to normal.
GOLD DIGGER
KANYE WEST FEAT. JAMIE FOXX
[GRADUATION]
by pammie! at 11:49 AM |
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